Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Road Less Traveled

How can we be sure that the path we have chosen is the path we should be on?  Ever wonder what would happen if you had taken a different path?  If you had taken a different job, moved somewhere else, not been in certain relationships, or gone to school somewhere else?  Life would be completely different.

Hopefully, the road taken less is the road that isn't good or just not quite right.  Hopefully, we can have the foresight to see which path will lead to disaster or sometimes even worse, mediocrity.  And hopefully, if we are already on that path that was just easy to take or convienent, we gain the wisdom and muster the courage to get off of it.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to get off of that road that is filled with less than what God wants for us.  We may see that it isn't right, but don't get off because there doesn't seem to be an alternative.  We may think it isn't that bad and convince ourselves we are happy, but deep down we want more.  We know we deserve more.  Or maybe, we just can't fathom what more could look like.  We may have never seen what a road that is foreign and looks scary can produce.  It's really a whole world of possibilites, adventures and renewed strength.

The road less traveled is hard.  It poses challenges we may believe we aren't ready to face.  It is painstakingly difficult at times, but the fruit of the determination to press forward...is so very sweet and amazing.  And God is right there to provide the courage we need to go into the unknown armed with all he has to offer.  He knows that we will never truly know ourselves until we get off of the road others have tread for us.  Until we decide to let him be the protector in this life.  Until we let him lead us through the vast regions of our souls.  I love it.  Life can be so exciting if we let it be!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Chasing Rainbows

I think it can feel like we spend our whole lives searching.  Searching for whatever may be at the end of that rainbow.  Something so beautiful must have a pot of gold at the end.

But, why don't we stop to bask in the rainbow's colors?  We are so determined that there is something else out there that will fulfill us that we miss the beauty surrounding us.  We miss the magic of the rainbow.  The unexpected pleasure it brings.  We miss the promise of God warming our hearts, because we just know there is something more.

The thing is...what we have is right now.  We have this moment.  To enjoy all that those vibrant colors mean, or to only think of what more it could bring. 

Those blues and greens mean that God is taking care of things.  I believe that wholeheartedly.  He's whispered those words to me in times of wondering what his purposes were.  He takes care of those that have passed on to heaven before us.  He makes them walk and talk more beautifully than the angels.  He gives them a new body.  He makes them what he always knew they were, but may never have been on this earth.  That is what the promise of the rainbow means to me personally.  It's 'never again' as God promised long ago.  Never again to flood my soul with sorrow such as that.  Hallelujah.  Never again.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It's Not Fair

Ever said that?  It may have been under your breath or at the top of your lungs.  I think we've all said it, thought it and believed it.

I said it earlier today about something I truly believe to be unfair.  As I began to brew, a positive thought popped in my head about the situation.  How annoying is that?  I am about to start my rant about how unfair this is when I am interrupted by the Holy Spirit's perfect timing.  I decided instead of ignoring that positive thought, that I would expound upon it.  I would think similar positive thoughts, and try to see the bright side.  I got out of my funk quickly.  More quickly than I usually do.

The fact of the matter is...life is never going to be fair.  That is just the way it is.  We are going to encounter unfair situations that leave us disappointed, angry and feeling helpless.  We can either brood over how wrong others are for what they are doing to us or what we have not received that we should, or be grateful for what we do have.  Because in reality, the person that seems to have the upper hand by treating us unfairly now, will inevitably lose their footing.  Because...that's just life. 

Sometimes, things aren't fair just because they don't seem fair to us.  No one is hurting us or intentionally trying to be unfair.  No, we just believe that if something is unfair, there must be someone to blame.  Whether that's God or some person in our lives.  But, we live in a very unfair world.  The sooner we accept that and focus on the positive, the happier we will be.  I know I have spent hours, days, even years ruminating over something that I felt was superbly unjust.  All of that livid pacing of the mind...it was a waste of time.  God never said life would be fair.  Wherever we got that idea, it's a lie.  He did say he would always be there for us.  Whatever that may mean.  He is on our side, and he tends to bless those that have been treated unfairly disproportionately.  We just have to wait and see...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"You look pretty today."

This morning my husband dropped me off at work, because he is going to work on my car today.  As I was getting ready to brace the rain and run to the door to unlock my office, he said, "You look pretty today".
He says that quite often, and I usually just give a little smile and force out a "thank you"I still have a hard time taking compliments in.

As I started up my computer to begin my day, checked the calendar to see what was on the agenda and started to return messages, I thought about what he said again.  I got a warm feeling inside and an irrepressible smile crossed my face.  That little comment made my day start off so much better.  It gave me confidence.  Him seeing something about me that I do not always see makes me feel better about myself.  It makes me doubt all of those negative thoughts as women we tend to think about ourselves.  It makes me truly believe I am pretty on the outside and the inside.

Those little things are the things I love so much about him.  The ways he makes me feel like the most beautiful and special woman in the world.  Whether it's grabbing my waist to pull me closer when we are out and about or stroking my hair before we fall asleep at night; that's how I know.  He chose me.  I didn't just choose him.  He chose me, and he continues to choose me every day.  I love that.  I will never tire of being the one he wants to be with out of all of the women in the world.  Out of all of the women out there, I am the one he loves.  It makes me feel those things I felt in the beginning all over again.  I am a truly blessed woman to know love like this.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Decisions, Decisions...

I think some of the most rewarding times in my life were the ones wrought out of an agonizing decision.  When I finally got to the place of unwavering decisiveness, knowing that this decision was of God, the soothing, cool waters of the Holy Spirit tamed the fire that raged in my soul over that situation.  A peace flooded me that is indescribable.  I just knew I had done what was right.  He didn't need to, but God gave me that calm assurance that the pain of listening to his whispers would fade into a new, wide world of things I could not imagine. 

More than once in my life, I let go of something that I desperately wanted to hold onto, only to find that after I did, just around the corner, was a breath-taking view.  I may have been in pain afterwards, because any type of loss hurts, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do.  Situations still arise in which I have to realize that I do not need to keep trying to fix everything...or everybody.  A tall order for someone that likes order and control.

I think of all of the little decisions we make every day, too.  All of those little decisions move us just a little further one way or another.  No matter how minuscule they seem, each little decision builds up to a larger one.  Every one of them matters no matter how unimportant they seem.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fear of Confrontation

I just had to put this picture up.  I know you guys feel like you need headphones a lot!  As a female, I concur that the wrath of a woman's scorn definitely needs to be muted by some nice tunes. 

But seriously, communication with anyone is hindered when one person thinks they are "discussing" an issue, but all they are doing is using a verbal mallet to try to beat the other person into submission.  This kind of confrontation only creates fear.  I think we can grow up learning it is better to avoid any sort of confrontation so you don't get yelled at.

How easy is it to feel fear or intimidation and quietly tuck your tail between your legs as you exit the back door trying to keep from being seen?  It is definitely less scary not to stand face to face with what frightens us.  We try to avoid conflict where we we could be lashed out at and hurt.  That seems normal.  What does bowing out gain, though?  When is it the right time to avoid confrontation, and when is the right time to embrace it?

Of course, it depends on the situation, but I think if you are trying to stealthily sneak away from it, you probably need to be facing it.  I know there are times when it really isn't a good idea to confront that person or issue at the moment.  In those times, you can feel it.  It just doesn't feel right.  You aren't necessarily scared of the confrontation, the time to open Pandora's box just hasn't arrived.  And when you do confront at the wrong time, it just gets more messy and confusing that it should.  We should never confront in anger or to be dominant.  But to face our fears and reveal the truth.  To bring about change and clarity.

I also think that the word confrontation gets a negative connotation when it shouldn't.  Confronting something doesn't mean you have to raise your voice or be foul.  No.  Confronting can be as sweet and gentle as a mother singing her baby to sleep.  You choose your words carefully and try to understand the point of view of others.  You may see the truth, but trying to shove that down someone's throat will make them see it even less, most likely.  To confront someone or something successfully, it should be well planned and thought out.  It should be done out of love.  That can be so very difficult when the reason we confront others is most likely due to our frustration and charged emotions.  That all has to be put aside.

We need to express what we think and feel without expecting it to necessarily be completely accepted.  We need to ask for input and others' opinions, because we may need to alter our view, also.  What I see that can be born of confrontation, is compromise.  Why can't we just sit down like rational people and not get stuck at the confronting part?  We seem to want to pitch a tent there instead of try to meet in the middle or just start over.

If you think about it, our days are filled with confrontations, big and small.  We may be worried about an impending confrontation, be surprised by one, or try to run away from one.  The longer we run from it though, the more stressful it gets.  Just because you don't talk about something, doesn't mean it disappeared.  No.  It's just under the surface being fed by pent up tension and fear.  Don't wait too long to talk about those problems that have been thrown under the rug.  They can turn into monsters that start to tear up your soul.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Time

Time is an elusive thing.  It seems to go by ever so slowly when you're a kid waiting for summer vacation.  The days drag on as you wait for freedom.  But, as an adult, the days blur together and before you know it, a decade has passed.


We can't control time.  We can't make it be anything but what it is...A reminder of the brevity of this life.  A reminder to savor every moment.  A reminder of the one that holds the hour glass in his hand.  Of the one that has created a place that knows no time.

I wish time would stand still sometimes.  I do this thing where I make myself take a mental photograph of moments I want to remember when I am old.  Moments that I want etched in my memory when people I love have passed on from this life, and I am reflecting on the life I lived.  I want to remember those faces that have brought me so much joy and the times that have molded me as a person.

It makes me so happy to think there are no "ends" in heaven.  We will never run out of time!  Isn't that amazing?  We won't wish we could go back or be in the future.  We will just be.  We won't be late, because eternity has no limit.  We will exist as we were always meant to.  There won't be a time to live and a time to die.  Only a time to live...and live more fully than we can imagine.

I want to "be" down here.  I want to be in each moment as God intended it without worrying about the past or future.  Just to live each moment with grace.  That is hard task when there are so many circumstances that can cause us to worry about the future and dwell on the past.  But, with God, nothing is impossible.  Seize the day!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Feelings

I am one of those people that feels a lot.  Sometimes, at an annoying rate, even to myself.  My husband and I will be watching t.v.  A commercial about starving children, hurt animals, or just a daddy playing with his kids will come on, and I am boo-hooing.  He laughs a little as I explain why a family on t.v. having dinner made me cry.

I am glad that I am able to express emotion at this point.  Years went by when I didn't cry.  For someone as feeling oriented as I am, that is toxic.  Some people just don't feel as much or deeply since they are more thinking oriented.  So, they don't really feel as much or any emotion about things that I do.  And that is fine.

I think feelings are wonderful gifts to help us navigate this life.  They are the icing on the cake during good times and a kick in the gut during bad times.  I also think, from my own experience, they can be very dangerous if not kept in check.  On a very frequent basis, I will feel strongly about something, and it turns out I was wrong.  Yet, on just as frequent of a basis, I can be right.  I always have to fact check those feelings, because they may be coming from a source that is not completely sure or pure.  They may be coming from my insecurity and unmet needs instead of reality.  It can be hard to face the truth when you feel something so strongly.  You fight the logic others bring up and the logic that nags at you, because those feelings are like a tidal wave that makes it difficult to see.  I find myself checking those feelings on a daily basis.  Can this really be true?  How?  What will the consequences of giving into these emotions be?  What is the truth about that person or situation really, aside from my feelings?  Am I giving into euphoric feelings just for the medicated effect I get from bathing in them? 

I take my feelings to God on just about a daily basis, because I know how wonderful yet destructive they can be if they are not grounded in him.  I ask to be settled and centered since crazy emotions make me fly off the handle, in bad and good ways.  I ask him to show me why I feel what I do when a lot of the time I don't know why.  I have to re-trace my steps until I realize why I am feeling the way I am.  Then, it's time to repeat in my mind truth and give whatever the problem or situation is to him.  I cannot solve the world's problems, let alone my own.  And I cannot go around feeling displaced joy when all of the facts aren't in yet. 

I think my issue, and that of many of us, is jumping the gun.  We don't just let things progress at a normal rate.  We want things now (or, to say it better, we want them yesterday), so we make situations be something in our minds that they aren't instead of facing reality.  It's no fun to let go of false notions when it feels so good.  But, I guarantee, there is something up ahead. God has something planned that can't even compare to the silliness those fake feelings were based upon.  Just wait for it...just wait for it...

Monday, June 6, 2011

Be as One

As I listened to the pastor this past Sunday read the words of Christ before his ascension into heaven, something wonderful happened.  I saw a side of Scripture I hadn't before.  These same verses took new form in my mind and became alive in a uniquely different way.  I love that.  No matter how many times we hear or read any of those sacred words from the Bible, they are always living, fresh, new and vibrant.

When Christ was praying to the father that they (that would be all of us) would be one as we are one,  I had always interpreted it to mean that he wanted all of us Christians to be unified as Christ and the Father are.  I do believe it means that.  I also believe it means something else; he was praying for each of us to be one in ourselves. 

How many times has your mind been divided?  How many times have you struggled and toiled over a decision or situation?  How many times have you found yourself talking out of both sides of your mouth as though you were two different people or giving advice to others that you don't adhere to yourself?  I find myself doing those things at an embarrassing rate.

I think Christ knew the torment we can put ourselves through.  He knew of the whisperings of Satan that complicate our every wavering thoughts.  He realized how we doubt and lack faith.  He knew that to live as One in mind, body and soul, prayer could not be forfeited.  He knew the only way we could be one as individuals was to be one with him and that means being one with the Father and the Holy Spirit.  He was giving us an example of what to pray for as he was always being and giving examples.  His life was an example of where and what to go to when the swirling of the mind becomes fierce.  He always went back to the Father.  He always focused on truth and hope.  I am praying that my focus becomes more centered, more clear and lit.  It takes practice not to lose that focus...to return to it. 

I think the more we are one as individuals, the more we can be one with the body of believers.  And the more we are one with one another, the easier it will be to be one in ourselves.

Friday, June 3, 2011

In a Perfect World...

I was thinking today about how imperfect this life can be.  How imperfect human beings are.  I was thinking about all of the heartache that comes from beings and a world that is not perfect.  It seems we spend much of our lives trying to cope with situations and people, including ourselves, that are not perfect.

I was thinking about that and the struggle for peace, when it dawned on me that we weren't meant to live in these imperfect bodies, in this imperfect world.  That was not the original plan.  So, maybe that's why we have so much trouble and feel so much disappointment when the world is not as it should be.  Maybe that is why we feel so devastated.  We were meant to live in a very different kind of world.  We were meant to be a very different kind of people.  The original design consisted of absolute perfection created by God the Father.  No wonder so much turmoil comes when life is imperfect.  No wonder we spend so much time trying to fix things and make them right.  It's in our make-up that things are right in the world.

Unfortunately, we are also sinners prone to make things as imperfect as they can be.  We have a nature within us that is self-serving and greedy.  What a dilemma?  To have a part of us that craves the serenity of a calm and perfect world, but also have a part that creates chaos and pain.  No wonder finding balance is so difficult.

The great thing is that Jesus came here and showed us that it can be done.  "It" is living in this world but not of it.  We can live in the midst of this craziness without sinning.  We may have sinned in the past, but with his strength, we no longer have to.  We can be tempted in all ways, but remain without sin.  The challenge is to be perfect, as He is perfect, in a world that gets more vile by the moment.  Not that the perfection comes from us but from the one that created the perfection in the beginning.  We have to be willing to trust that and believe it instead of the lies that seem to make things easy when they aren't.  We have to rest in the perfection that is God. 

One day,we will live in that perfect world the Father has for us.  We will dwell with him.  And oh, what a celebration there will be for all eternity!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Singing in the Dark


Last night, as I stumbled back into bed at 2 a.m. after getting up to use the bathroom, I heard something unusual.  As I lay there with my eyes closed, a pretty little melody made it's way into the bedroom from just outside.  I wondered why a bird was singing in the dark at 2 o'clock in the morning.  I quickly drifted off to sleep thinking how I should write a blog about it.

That little bird was singing for reasons I don't know.  She was singing in the middle of the night without any moonlight as a back drop.  She was singing all by herself.  I wonder how often I am able to do that.  I think of all of the times that I have refused to sing when darkness surrounded me.  I think of times when I have forced myself to sing when no one else was there to sing with me.  I also think of the joy that singing brings when that song is written from the depths of my soul. 

I think it's easy to sing, because we are happy, but can we sing even when we aren't?  Can we have the faith we need to sing when we have no support, no light to guide us, nothing but silence?  I pray that I will be able to do that as I have failed miserably in the past.  I want to sing, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that my God is Lord of Lord and King of Kings no matter the situation or pressures of this world.  I want my therapy to be the soul-wrenching song that only God can write.  I want my healing to come from a faith I cannot see...from the hand that made me.  When I can do nothing else, I want to sing...because no matter what, I am free.  I am praying I can be that person that sings without sight.