Definition
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound. If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes. The brain’s information processing system naturally moves toward mental health. If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can cause intense suffering. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR therapy training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes. ~www.emdr.com
EMDR boosts the brain’s capacity to access psychological pain, reprocess and integrate information that was previously stuck. EMDR does this by stimulating communication between the right brain (emotional brain) and the left brain (logical brain). This bilateral brain therapy provides a clinically proven alternative to processing difficult memories even when the individual is not yet able to express it in words. ~https://www.atimetohealpsychotherapy.com/emdr-therapy
My Story
Before I started EMDR therapy I scoured the internet to find personal stories, and came across very little detail about actual sessions, methods and results. I had heard about this type of therapy briefly, but usually the accounts were vague. While many associate EMDR primarily with single trauma PTSD or "big T" traumas, it can be useful for anyone that has experienced trauma. After talking with friends who benefited personally from EMDR as well as hearing how others in the mental health field saw dramatic results with clients, I decided to give it a shot. It couldn't hurt anything, right?
Up to this point, I had done a lot to address my childhood trauma and subsequent consequences. I got a master's degree in counseling. I had participated in various forms of therapy and implemented techniques to calm the nerves that were constantly frayed. I've done cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalytic therapy, spiritual counsel, marriage therapy, journaled, exercised regularly, done breathing exercises, taken medication, read my Bible, been active in church, had a mentor, been a mentor...you name it, I'd done it.
I was ready to keep moving forward, to keep healing and growing. I continued to be triggered, what felt like constantly sometimes, beyond my control. I was tired of primarily treating symptoms instead of getting to the root of the problem. Sure, I could function in life. I had figured out how to conceal a lot of the storm that raged inside when I was around others. I couldn't contain it at home, though.
What was held inside out in public spewed out onto my husband and children. This, above all else, was my motivation to keep trying, to keep plodding along though it felt as though I was in muddy quick sand. Thank God for the realization found in those circumstances of how weak I am, how much help I need, and a motivation to press on for the life I knew God had promised to me as a believer through his Word.
I made an appointment with a trained EMDR therapist some friends recommended. By that point, I was more than ready to try anything that could alleviate the intensity of daily life. I was open, completely honest about myself, and willing to be vulnerable. I was ready to step out of the fog I felt I'd been in my entire life.
The first few sessions were the typical "getting to know you" sessions where I explained my history. I was very clear that I wanted to focus on EMDR as opposed to other forms of therapy since you know...been there, done that.
There are various ways to do EMDR. I held "buzzers" in each hand. These buzzers alternate vibrating in one hand and then the other. Some people will hold these while looking at and following two fingers the therapist moves from left to right. Some will follow a light (my therapist's was blue) back and forth on a horizontal light bar. I am extremely visual and get distracted by the movement, so I would close my eyes.
Before the buzzers start, we discuss where to begin. There is often a triggering event that causes an intense emotional reaction. For example, I am often triggered by last minute plans being made. I will feel a sense of powerlessness, fear and panic. When we start the session, we discuss the triggering event and the feelings associated with it. The therapist asks me how intense the feelings are from 1-10. Usually mine are 7-10. The goal is to process the event/feelings so that the intensity is down to a 1 or 2. The therapist will check in to see where I'm feeling tension after describing the triggering event. For me, there is often tension in my neck, tightness in my throat and chest, and a feeling like I'm on a roller coaster in my stomach. Sometimes, there is lethargy and exhaustion.
My therapist then starts the buzzers, and I close my eyes focusing on those feelings and thinking about the first time I felt those things. For the above example, I was taken back to the time when I found out abruptly about a possible major move that would drastically change my life. I happened to overhear it was going to happen without my knowledge or say, and I would have to go along with it. This is when the feelings began.
The buzzers go on for 30 seconds to a minute. Once they stop, I open my eyes and tell my therapist things I thought, felt or "saw". Once I tell her, she asks if I could stay with it. She asks this, because the process can be extremely emotional and some people need a break if they feel overwhelmed.
For the above example, I closed my eyes again with the buzzers going and was able to see this memory clearly as well as feel the hopelessness and sadness associated with it. Often, I will feel things I did not feel when I should have as a child. Perhaps not being able to process these feelings when I was younger is why they found any means they could to get out as an adult, making my reactions extremely intense. People often say children are resilient when really, children don't feel they are allowed to express how they feel because they are protecting the adults around them.
The therapist will repeat the process of stopping the buzzers and process what I thought, felt and saw until there is resolution. Resolution comes for me in spiritual terms. In the above example, I saw how the path that was safe and secure was underneath the memory that was so unsteady. I saw my path with Christ, walking hand in hand with him. I found a sense of empowerment, ease and peace as I envisioned walking my true path with Christ. The session is ended with going to your safe place. My "safe place" is the hand of God. This is where I go in my mind at the end of each session being held by God.
There are times when I want to start with the traumatic memory. We will process it the same way but somewhat in reverse. It can take more than one session to fully process a triggering event and/or memory. One issue took 3 sessions for me. Often, I am surprised by the memory that is associated with my triggers. Sometimes, I will leave the session feeling like I ran a marathon and be wiped out for the rest of the day. Once, I found myself having more anxiety for a day or so. Sometimes, I don't have any physical reactions. There have been several occasions where I've come home and wept as the reality of the situation continues to be processed and I am not holding in feelings anymore. I have remembered things that I didn't fully remember before, vividly, as if I was there. This can be heartbreaking, but also cathartic.
I have been doing EMDR for 4 months, and I will probably continue for several more months. I could tell a difference in my reaction to specific triggers after the first session. Within a few sessions my husband could tell a difference, and after several months, I don't act the same at all. I am able to be myself, and this is something he has to get used to as well. He doesn't have to worry as much about how I will react if he says or does something that triggers me. We feel like we are able to connect and converse as we should. I have found that I'm actually able to think through situations without the tidal wave of emotion demanding center stage. When I do start to get intense, the turnaround is much quicker. Both sides of my brain are communicating, and I feel more whole.
If you or a loved one has any sort of trauma that negatively impacts your life, I highly recommend talking to a professional about this type of therapy. It may not be right for you, or it may not be the right time, but it's definitely something to keep on the radar. For me, it's as if 10-20 years worth of work has been done in a few months, and I have never felt more peace, joy and contentment.
