I'm sure you've heard, as I have, that kids are resilient. Usually one says this when discussing a hardship the child may be going through or has endured. They are reflecting on the seeming lack of sadness or bad behavior they observe from the child though they may just had a parent or loved one die, gone through a big change such as moving or had their parents divorce.
I have heard this and always inwardly rolled my eyes as it is such a scapegoat for us as adults. I can't see it, so it's not there, right? If these circumstances would cause an adult to have a hard time, how much MORE will a child have a hard time? Just because that child does not have the vocabulary or emotional capacity to express their grief, anger and pain as an adult, does not mean they do not HURT!
The reality is that we as adults don't want to think about the difficult circumstance. We don't want to acknowledge it. We want to pretend it's not there, so that we can go on with life. Yet, in so doing, we are pretending our children are not there. We are ignoring their PAIN! If they fell off of the monkey bars and broke their arm, wouldn't we immediately take them to the emergency room. Why, oh why then do we ignore the brokenness of their hearts! We leave them alone in their misery, scared, alone and confused. The breaks are not as instant as a fall, yet they are there compounding and getting infected while we go around telling people how resilient they are.
I wonder how often we actually sit down and talk to our children about more than what they learned at school that day or their upcoming ball game. They are not going to talk in adult terms, but they most certainly will be honest most of the time if they feel safe enough to do so. Why should they express their pain to us if we've made it clear through our inattention and dismissal that sharing negative or painful emotions is not welcome?
I pray to God, so earnestly, that my children will ALWAYS know that they can express their pain, even if I'm the culprit. It is a very sad, lonely and desolate existence to feel that no one really wants to hear about the wounds of your soul, particularly your own parents. May God have mercy on us all as we navigate these waters in the hopes of raising healthy individuals.
I have heard this and always inwardly rolled my eyes as it is such a scapegoat for us as adults. I can't see it, so it's not there, right? If these circumstances would cause an adult to have a hard time, how much MORE will a child have a hard time? Just because that child does not have the vocabulary or emotional capacity to express their grief, anger and pain as an adult, does not mean they do not HURT!
The reality is that we as adults don't want to think about the difficult circumstance. We don't want to acknowledge it. We want to pretend it's not there, so that we can go on with life. Yet, in so doing, we are pretending our children are not there. We are ignoring their PAIN! If they fell off of the monkey bars and broke their arm, wouldn't we immediately take them to the emergency room. Why, oh why then do we ignore the brokenness of their hearts! We leave them alone in their misery, scared, alone and confused. The breaks are not as instant as a fall, yet they are there compounding and getting infected while we go around telling people how resilient they are.
I wonder how often we actually sit down and talk to our children about more than what they learned at school that day or their upcoming ball game. They are not going to talk in adult terms, but they most certainly will be honest most of the time if they feel safe enough to do so. Why should they express their pain to us if we've made it clear through our inattention and dismissal that sharing negative or painful emotions is not welcome?
I pray to God, so earnestly, that my children will ALWAYS know that they can express their pain, even if I'm the culprit. It is a very sad, lonely and desolate existence to feel that no one really wants to hear about the wounds of your soul, particularly your own parents. May God have mercy on us all as we navigate these waters in the hopes of raising healthy individuals.
