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I am reminded today of simpler days. Maybe it's because of the warm, sweet breeze that effortlessly ushers the sunshine on my face.  Maybe it's the streak of yellow buses passing outside signaling summer fading into fall.  Whatever the reason, it's nice to get that feeling I had when I was younger.  They were times of excitement as I explored the world around me every day after school. 

My brother and I would hunt for tracks to see what animals had been wondering around in the fields in front of our house.  We would go fishing and play in the creeks in the woods.  It was fun to discover the world around us in those days.  I am reminded of going to football games at school sitting on cold, hard metal bleachers all bundled up in the middle of friends on a crisp fall day.  These were the days before cell phones, I-Pads, I-Pods and all of the technology that seems to consume us today.

My e-mail went out for a bit this week, and just that little bit of reprieve seemed like a relief.  I couldn't instantly see who was e-mailing me and feel the need to respond to them.  I sat at my desk doing my work only interrupted by the occasional phone call or person stopping in the office.  It seems that technology can make us uptight and anxious instead of patient and still.  What if we didn't have cell phones to occupy our time with the games, apps, texting and Internet? I certainly enjoy the convenience of technology, but can't help but wonder what I have missed out on because of it.  What moments have I missed with others face to face since Facebook has become the social meeting place?  What story did I miss because I was responding to a text in the middle of dinner?  What website did I see that I shouldn't have?

I guess I just miss the stillness of life.  When people sat on their front porch in the evenings after dinner.  When people would stop by just to visit.  I miss feeling mud between my toes after playing in a puddle.  I loved to play outside for hours as a kid, not play a video game all night.  

I am afraid those days of spending genuine quality time with one another and exploring the outdoors are mostly over for children and adults unless very conscious choices are made to limit how consuming the filling of technology can become.  Technology can be a great way to connect to others, but can also be a way to avoid what needs to be faced in relationships.  I am praying to use the gift of technology as God sees fit.  And that is always for his glory.

Loving the Unlovable

Love is an amazing thing.  Love continues to love when we are so very unlovable.  Love holds our hand after we reject it.  Love soothes our sores as we fight against it.  Love mends our wounds as we struggle to run away.

I recently had a terrible allergic reaction to some unknown fiend.  The itching quickly progressed and hives covered my entire body.  I became more and more agitated and started the annoying sick person whine.  I scratched the irritated skin so much that there was no more room under my nails for the excess skin.  As the allergy took it's course, my husband responded as every good man does.  He gave me medicine, made me stop scratching and put me to bed.  He endured the whining and the inevitable Benadryl high.  After sleeping for awhile, he checked to make sure the hives were gone.  He made me get up for work so I wouldn't be late, and gave me a hug and kiss goodbye.  Today, I feel very loved, because there is no other man on this earth that would love me the way he does.  There is no other person in the world that can do it just like him. 

Whether I am sick physically or emotionally, even if he doesn't understand, he loves me through it all.  He can see what will make me better when I can't or don't want to accept whatever kind of "medicine" I need.  When I am the most unlovable, he seems to love me more.  I am very blessed.

The Work of Rest

I have a hard time with this sometimes.  I seem to long for rest when I have pushed so hard to get the job done, but I still can't let myself really rest.  Rest requires trust in God beyond mere words.  It requires resting in the midst of doing.  I think that is a challenge we all face.

Controlling the situation seems to make us feel more secure.  Taking our hands off of it and going along for the ride can be extremely scary.  I think we fool ourselves, though.  We feel better when we are running to and fro frantically trying to handle things.  If we step back and let God steer, who knows what will happen?  How will we know the job will get done?  How will we feel empowered and proud of our work?

I am one to work and work forgetting that I am supposed to be doing God's work...not my own.  I think if we can keep the mindset that all that we do is not ours for the doing, we will be able to rest more fully.  The task at hand is not for our accolades, it is so God can show himself to the world.

This certainly is a weakness of mine.  The affects are exhaustion and dissatisfaction.  The great work of life can be to trust God to work out what we just can't.  To let him do the work through us, and to live in his rest.

God's Will

I love that Martina McBride song about God's Will.  It makes me tear up every time I hear it.  The words are so real and so many really live them.

If you are unfamiliar with the song, it describes someone that looks all of their life for God's will.  They search and search doing all that they know only to meet up with the will of God in a very unplanned and unexpected way.  The story is about a little boy that is disabled.  She meets Will one Halloween night as he is trick or treating with his mother.  The song goes on to describe the relationship they build and Will eventually moving away to get better medical treatment but dying shortly thereafter.

What touches me most about the song is how Will brought life to the friend he met.  He lived every day fully and completely.  He loved others with a deep love and loved God even more.  He did not fear what was unknown but pressed on.  He kept a genuine smile on his face and cared for others when it seems he is the one that needed the most care.  He was one of those people that gave way more to anyone else than they could give to him.

I think about my job.  I think about the people I get to talk to every day.  They might not walk like I do.  They may not talk like I do.  But they touch my heart in a way I will never be able to imitate.  They make me a better person.  I appreciate them so much for living in a world that does not adjust to them.  I admire their determination, spirit and infectious laughter.  They give me hope, because no matter my state, I think of them and cannot complain about anything.  They are the most interesting people I have ever known, and that will never change.  No matter who I meet in the future...whether it's an important political figure, famous actor, great intellect, or someone talented in every possible way, the "disabled" will always win the trophy.

I look at them and know that God has such a wonderful plan for us all.  I am so thankful for the people he has put in my life to help me remember that.  They don't wonder what they are going to do with their lives.  They just do life.  I love that.

Common Sense

It's a good thing.  Right?  To use common sense when making daily decisions.  But, when is the point when common sense trumps divine insanity?  Can't we become so sure of our common sense and logic that the impossible that God is all about just seems like a fairy tale?

I believe that God wants us to use reason.  He is a reasonable God.  I do not believe he wants that reason to make us so confident in our own perceptions that we become full with presumptuousness.  We become full of ego and don't consult God at all.  No matter what the issue is, he should be consulted.  We should blister our knees to do and be his will, no matter how crazy that may be.

Have you ever prayed for something for such a long time, that your logic becomes your defense mechanism.  We always want our prayer to be answered in a God-like way, but as the days pass we seem to revert back to our logic.  We try not to hope too much just in case that miracle doesn't happen.  Satan sees his chance to throw some doubt in the mix and does so making things even more confusing.  When all the while, we just need to keep keeping on.  We need to keep praying that impossible prayer and keep believing.  No matter how long it's been, no matter how dismal the prognosis or dreary the road ahead looks, God can make all of that vanish in the blink of an eye.

I am praising God that he is so patient with me as I go back and forth in my mind about concerns he has perfectly planned out how to solve.  Having faith as tiny as a mustard seed moves mountains.  It moves the obstacles we see that just won't move.  I'm ready to plant that seed and watch God's plan grow.

God is Personal

It's funny how God will bring you full circle when he is trying to teach you something.  You think you've got it, and then he shows you another angle.

I was watching a pastor on television over the weekend.  The sermon was recorded in the 1970s with the men sporting those fat ties and ladies with their butterfly collars and wispy long hair.  But, what he said was relevant to what had been going on with me, thirty some years later.  What he said and what I had read earlier that morning from Oswald Chambers reminded me that no matter what others may do, those actions should not make me love them less.  That no matter what situation I find myself in or how hurt I may be...I still need to love them.  That even though what they say may hurt, I have to remember what God says.  That He is the truth.  I need to get more and more to the point where what others do and say is not so important to me.  That what is most important is what God says and does.

I realize this is not always the case.  I can get consumed with what others think, how I can please them or help them and make them not be upset with me if they are.  This is really a waste of time, because human beings will always find something to be upset and angry about whether justifiably so or not.  If I have done all I know to be right, I cannot make others know that truth.  I can pray that they will, but if they choose not to see the truth for what it is and hurt me, I cannot make that my burden.  I was not made to please men, but God and God alone.

How difficult it can be to press on when the world is pressing on you.  God never lies, and he said he would be our strength, our comfort, our shield and defender.  He will never leave us.  No matter what others may do out of malice, jealousy or their own pain, they are not ours to heal.  They are God's. 

Although what we do to each other hurts God too, he makes it his personal mission to continue to work on us.  We are most important to him.  So, why do we give other people such power over us and resist surrender to him?  We put them in God's seat when they just don't fit.  This is one of my weaknesses. I pray to keep pressing on with only God in sight.  It's a journey that is worth the fight.