Expectations

Don't we live our life expecting certain things to happen?  We live day to day with expectations, whether that is expecting that the chair we are sitting in will hold us up or a person we love will be as we expected.  But, what happens when what was expected doesn't happen?  We fall on the floor stunned and dazed.  That chair was supposed to be sturdy and strong.  It was supposed to hold it's weight.  We assume that it will for as long as we think it will.  Sometimes, there are things we don't know about that chair like how much wear and tear it has experienced, if it was made improperly, if there are some loose screws or it has been beaten up by someone else.  Only after we are sitting on the floor do we realize there was way more to this chair's story than we realized.

I think it's the same with people.  I don't believe things happen out of nowhere.  There is always a back story.  There is a reason for that person's behavior that has just left you rubbing your hind parts on the floor.  The sad thing is that when expectations aren't met, hurt inevitably follows.  When we don't think others are acting the way we assumed they should, the truth changes for us.  They change to us.  What we believed about this person is no more.  What we feel, is let down. 

The truth of the matter is we will all let one another down at some point.  How deeply we hurt others by letting them down depends on how much they put their hope in us to do and say what we said we would.  I think all too often we do what is convenient for ourselves never really thinking about how our selfishness affects others.  I am guilty. 

I think God made me to be a very loyal person to my family and friends. So, when others I love don't do as I expected, it devastates me.  But, I remember all of the second chances I have been given in life despite the pain my actions have caused.  Thank God there is no limit on how many times we can be forgiven...and forgive others.

Waiting on a Miracle

Remember Esther in the Bible?  I was thumbing through and started reading some of the commentary in my Bible.  I find it kind of funny that they point out how God is never mentioned by name.  Immediately, what popped in my head was that He has many names.  I thought about how God is weaved so seamlessly into that story.  I also thought about how Esther had to have felt being taken from her family and people to live in a place she didn't want to be at a time when she thought she needed to be with her people.

She must have wondered where God was and why he would allow her to be stolen away by a King that did not serve her God nor had many moral scruples about him.  I would have wondered that.  Her entire world got turned upside down. 

Little did she know that it was really being turned right side up.  It's because she trusted that God would come through.  She trusted Mordecai and followed his direction,  and her people were saved and hope returned.  God had been preparing Esther "for such a time as this" all of her life.  God had seen that hers was a heart that was malleable and could bring his plan to fruition.

I think about her and how she continued to trust God and Mordecai those 12 months she waited to be brought before a man she did not know to become his.  She was subjected to what is kidnapping now.  Her only family and her people were going to be annihilated.  Yet, God had taken her from them.  I wonder if I can wait with questions that are unanswered for as long as God sees fit.  Can I wait to see his grand plan unfold before my eyes?  Will I obey in each step as needed so that each clue of the mystery unfolds?  I pray I have the strength and stamina to be obedient and loving no matter the situation I find myself in.

I believe God has magnificent plans for us if we are willing to let seeds he has sown grow.  I think we get impatient, and then do things ourselves getting some result instead of an amazing result.  I also think we don't really expect amazing things from God much anymore.  We are so self-sufficient, we have little need to trust him it seems.  But, I really believe we are missing out on a lot, a whole lot.  Praying for miracles should not only happen in crisis but all of the time. We have a very big God.  So, I am going to expect very big things!

No Man is an Island

Do you ever feel that somehow, life keeps going, but you  aren't going with it?  Somehow, you are in a semi-paused state, while everyone else seems to have sped up.  It is such a weird place to be.  You don't even really know how you got there.  You are just there.  Life seems to be moving so very quickly, but you have not been caught up in the cascade of it as others are. You are standing on an island that emerged out of nowhere as you watch the rapids keep going.

I know the benefits of island living.  The serene.  The inner calm it can bring.  But, then looking at those waters makes one wander why they can't be part of the fun.  The excitement of riding the waves. 

If you jump in before the time is right, before you are prepared, it can be very dangerous.  How do you know when it's right?  Does a bright light beam down from heaven and the voice of God thunder down?  Are you on the island one minute and consumed by the waters the next?  Do you slowly and seamlessly slip into the waters?  How is it going to happen.  When does the reflection and solitude end on that island?

I don't pretend I know the motives of God or the plans he has.  But he says he knows them, and they are always good for me.  So, as I wait for my turn in the river, I know he is giving me the muscles I need to navigate now.  As I long to be there, I have to appreciate how he is preparing me.  I cannot wait until He reveals more of this plan to me.  I believe with all of my heart that it will be an incredible and undying story.  So, until then, this island is my home.

Love Worth Fighting For

My husband and I decided on a rule a few years ago when we are in an argument.  No matter how upset we both get, when we have not stopped arguing and there is not yet a resolution, we still have to say, I love you before we hang up the phone or leave the house.

Now, do we always stick to this rule?  Well, no.  We are not perfect, and we are both the type of people that will fight tooth and nail until their point is proved and agreed upon.  But, I can tell you this.  If one of us leaves that unfinished argument without saying I love you, it seems as though a thousand daggers have pierced our hearts.  We don't feel like saying we love the other one.  No, we probably feel a lot of the opposite.  We say it, because to us, it communicates an agreement: that no matter what, we will stick it out.  We will figure out this problem.  We will not let it put a wedge between us.  We are committed to the other no matter how difficult it gets.  No matter the hurtful words, miscommunication, or blame given, we are going to move past this and learn from it.

When the heat becomes unbearable in our relationship, we return to those three words that are so much more than mere emotion.  They symbolize a covenant we made to one another on a very windy day one beautiful October day.  They symbolize the the determination we have to make our relationship work and make it better no matter the disagreement.  When we say I love you during an argument that has not been resolved, we are saying that we remember those vows and we mean to try to keep them.  We want the rest of our lives to be lived not only with commitment to the promise of marriage but the fulfillment and blossoming of the love that promise births.  I am a very blessed woman.  No matter the trials of this life, the greater blessing that outweighs them all is my wonderful husband.  I love you!

Feeling Close to God

I recently heard a pastor say that he realized that the reason he did not feel God as much was because of him.  Because he had sin unconfessed in his life and not drawn himself closer to God.  He did not mention any other reason that we could feel less close to God.

Something about that hit me the wrong way.  I don't believe that God feels further away only at times when we back off.  No, I think he can seem distant when we are doing everything we are "supposed" to.  I think he sits back sometimes and waits for us to come to him even if there is no "sin" in our lives.  He lets us feel further so our faith can increase.

Think about people you truly love and how it is if you have to be separated from them for any length of time.  Distance does make the heart grow fonder.  It may be more difficult, for sure, but you come to miss them, appreciate them more, and savour the moments you do have with them.  I think distance can be a great asset in a relationship at the right times, and that also applies to our relationship with God.

I think we can be doing everything we know to do to be close to God, but when we still don't feel it, it doesn't mean we are doing something wrong.  It may just mean that it is a time when he is using space to create...create something new and different in our relationship.  He said he never leaves.  I believe that.  I also think that as our relationship evolves with him, we may feel more distance because it doesn't look the same as it used to. 

So, not feeling close can be a good thing.  It can mean we are maturing as Christians.  If that distance is from our sin and lack of wanting to know him more, the gap will feel much different.  There will be turmoil involved.  We will be running away from him, feel guilt and may become numb.  But, I believe when the distance is from God doing something good in us, the silence will be filled with expectation and a growth in our faith.  It will be a full type of waiting-for him to come down and get in our face like we have never known before.