Do You Hear What I Hear

How can a "leader" in church not want to talk about Biblical application in a social setting?  I was recently taken aback when I brought up what I was learning in my own personal Bible study with a pastor.  Instead of joining in the conversation, he was quiet and seemed disinterested.  The conversation quickly went back to light frivolity.  I wrongly thought that a person who is surrounded by religiosity would want to discuss the deep stuff in the Bible.

After that awkward encounter, I realized something that I had taken for granted.  Many of those that are front and center in churches enjoy talking to everyone else about the Bible on their own terms, but that doesn't mean they want to be taught in humility.  It means that they have yet to taste the joy of growing and connecting in community with other believers.  A "personal" relationship with God has come to mean a secret, lonely relationship.  No wonder people sitting in pews every week are disillusioned, afraid, alone and in pain thinking they are "supposed" to come to church to be a better person.  How is this Biblical?  Jesus was surrounded by believers.  He would go off to pray on his own, and also find fellowship with believers through prayer, communion and discussion.  There was deep emotional connection formed by his Word that he desires for believers today as well.

I was hurt, frankly.  This person that I thought would be excited about what I was discussing from an obscure Old Testament passage almost seemed embarrassed. The encounter solidified the truths God has laid in my heart the past few years.

I want to hear God's Word read, preached and discussed freely with hope and expectation as I find my place and my peace in discussion and communion with other saints.  The Word is sacred and holy bringing life blood to all of us, yet it is often merely used as a pawn or a tool to further someone's career path.  This sickens me and saddens me at the simultaneously.  May we reverently and humbly receive Him acknowledging the sacredness of the breath that breathed the words we often fail to grasp.
These words are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God! John 20:31

I am a Statistic

I used to detract from the notion that I am a statistic.  I fought hard to not be included in the statistic of those who grew up like me.  I didn't want to be included with those who eventually became abusers, addicts, who created their own broken homes, or had done jail time.

I made myself learn.  I educated myself.  I went to therapy.  I became the one to help those who grew up like me as a professional in the mental health field all the while denying the part of me that looked just like my clients.  If I could distance myself, maybe I could recreate who I am.

This "new me" caused problems, though.  The issue was that the "old me" was still there.  What I had to do was find a way to reconcile what was and what I was becoming, but how do you do that?  It's like mixing oil and water. 

That's when I realized, that the new version could not be something I created.  Only God could reconcile what was and what is.  Only he could take what I was learning, how I was growing and the newness of me and meld it with the painful past I carried.  I would not live in the pain without the blessed hope of relief found in him. 

I realized that the past does not need to dominate me, nor does the present need to suppress the lessons I still learn from that heartache. I continue to learn and grow and emerge from what was meant to beat me down.  I embrace what was meant for evil as it is the compost for the beauty that I see now in my life.

I am a new statistic.  I am included with those who not only survive, not only make something new of their lives, but who sit back and watch the glory of God unfold before them as he creates beauty from ashes.

I do like it here.  There is no need for denial.  There is no need for self loathing or wallowing.  It is a place of peace after the storm.  It's where the sweetness of a thorn filled rose fills the air. 

Yes, I like it here.