After my father died, I was a mess and so was my family. By this time in my life, I had lived in abuse for most of it, and become accustomed to being awoken in the dead of night by my mother, because we were leaving my father again. When he killed himself, the running stopped, but the fear and anxiety did not.
I was 8 years old suffering from migraines, a nervous stomach and also seemed to get other medical ailments very easily during this time. I didn't have friends that I can remember. I wanted to be someone else. Anyone else, but me.
I got signed up for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. To say this was life changing would be an understatement. For the first time in my life, I saw what could be. I looked forward so much to my time with my Big Sister and her family every week. I was loved and accepted.
She taught me things I never knew like how to hold and knife and fork when eating. She also taught me what family time in a loving home looked like. We played board games, played with the dog and listened to music. We did normal things families do that meant so much to me but were commonplace to so many of my peers. I had never known that much calm in my life.
Once I thought about visiting her many years later, but I decided I prefer to remember her the way she was and will always live in my mind and heart. She gave me the book, The Velveteen Rabbit before we parted ways. How perfect for a little girl that believed the lie that she was used up and no one loved her. As an adult, I've become free just like the Velveteen Rabbit who was once overlooked and destined for destruction.
I remember my Big this time of year, because her love lives on. The joy of Christmas was something I began to learn from her. Simple, beautiful and humble love. Just remember, you never know how important you may be to someone.
