Dear Me,
I'm writing this letter to you to remind you. I want to remind you of what it's like to have young children that you are home with 24 hours a day. Right now, your younger self often hears people your age say how they've forgotten what it's like. I want to refresh your memory, so that you are able to help those moms you encounter with tiny, precious ones-primarily your own daughters. Hopefully, this letter brings back memories of the days you lived 20 or 30 years prior.
Do you know how it is when you're really tired? It's hard to concentrate, pay attention or even be friendly. Well, that's what it's like for you every, single day now. You haven't slept through the night in years, really. Once the first started sleeping through the night better, you were pregnant again getting up to pee every few hours or just too uncomfortable to stay in one position too long. So, when those mothers of little ones don't give you a warm smile or seem zoned out, give them a break. Better yet, go over to her house and entertain the kids while she gets a nap. Even 30 minutes makes a huge difference.
Right now, your younger self often hears older people say, "If you ever need a break, let me know!" Well, you do need a break, but there is way too much for you to keep up with to try to coordinate another person's schedule. You have two little ones with appointments every week while you try to run a household pretty much by yourself while your husband works. You don't really want another person telling you that you need to call them. A better option would be to ask the mother what day of the week and time you can come over to help her by watching the kids, cleaning or bringing her a meal. She will be so grateful that someone is helping her with something...anything!
It can feel completely overwhelming and lonely to be home all of the time with small children. Don't forget that. Don't get so caught up in your life that you let your daughters get to a point where they feel they might break. It is hard for your younger self to admit right now that you need more help. Your daughters or other young mothers will most likely feel that way, also. That doesn't mean you take over, but give her the opportunity to vent and talk to you about how she is doing.
Here's a biggie older self...don't judge! Yes, you may have done things a certain way with your babies, but things have changed. Let others raise their children, as long as they aren't harming them, the way they see fit. Be supportive! It is not just physically exhausting to have young ones. It is mentally and emotionally taxing in a way that nothing else ever will be! So, give words of encouragement and be her biggest cheerleader! Let her know you are there for her, and let her come to you with questions if she wants. Your job isn't to raise her kids. It's to be a support for her.
The most important thing you could do is pray for her. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everyone needs her 24/7 right now. Pray for her and with her. This is a season, and yes it will go by quickly as many people your age tell me right now. However, it doesn't always feel like that. Not on days when the 2 year old disobeys all day long and the baby has been crying nonstop because another tooth is coming in. Saying it won't last long doesn't make her feel any better. It makes her feel like she's not allowed to say she's had a rough day. Remember to be a cheerleader.
Let her know that if she wants to go out of her way to make super cool cupcakes and decorations for a birthday party, that's okay. If she has a house that has unfolded laundry and toys all over the place, that's okay. She shouldn't feel guilty for either. Often, your younger mom self reads articles subtly bashing moms who want to be creative and also making it seem like their kid's rooms need to look like something out of a catalog. There's a lot of pressure on us moms from society, too. If she seems stressed that she needs to do what everyone else is doing or not doing, give her words of affirmation and point out everything she's doing right.
It's taken me weeks to have the time to write this to you. Both kids are actually napping at the same time. Yeah, a miracle. I'm sure you will have great wisdom to bestow having raised kids. Remember to give your adult children space to raise their own families, but the closeness and love they need to make it through the rough days with your help. It's all about balance.
See ya in a few decades. :)
Jenn
I'm writing this letter to you to remind you. I want to remind you of what it's like to have young children that you are home with 24 hours a day. Right now, your younger self often hears people your age say how they've forgotten what it's like. I want to refresh your memory, so that you are able to help those moms you encounter with tiny, precious ones-primarily your own daughters. Hopefully, this letter brings back memories of the days you lived 20 or 30 years prior.
Do you know how it is when you're really tired? It's hard to concentrate, pay attention or even be friendly. Well, that's what it's like for you every, single day now. You haven't slept through the night in years, really. Once the first started sleeping through the night better, you were pregnant again getting up to pee every few hours or just too uncomfortable to stay in one position too long. So, when those mothers of little ones don't give you a warm smile or seem zoned out, give them a break. Better yet, go over to her house and entertain the kids while she gets a nap. Even 30 minutes makes a huge difference.
Right now, your younger self often hears older people say, "If you ever need a break, let me know!" Well, you do need a break, but there is way too much for you to keep up with to try to coordinate another person's schedule. You have two little ones with appointments every week while you try to run a household pretty much by yourself while your husband works. You don't really want another person telling you that you need to call them. A better option would be to ask the mother what day of the week and time you can come over to help her by watching the kids, cleaning or bringing her a meal. She will be so grateful that someone is helping her with something...anything!
It can feel completely overwhelming and lonely to be home all of the time with small children. Don't forget that. Don't get so caught up in your life that you let your daughters get to a point where they feel they might break. It is hard for your younger self to admit right now that you need more help. Your daughters or other young mothers will most likely feel that way, also. That doesn't mean you take over, but give her the opportunity to vent and talk to you about how she is doing.
Here's a biggie older self...don't judge! Yes, you may have done things a certain way with your babies, but things have changed. Let others raise their children, as long as they aren't harming them, the way they see fit. Be supportive! It is not just physically exhausting to have young ones. It is mentally and emotionally taxing in a way that nothing else ever will be! So, give words of encouragement and be her biggest cheerleader! Let her know you are there for her, and let her come to you with questions if she wants. Your job isn't to raise her kids. It's to be a support for her.
The most important thing you could do is pray for her. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everyone needs her 24/7 right now. Pray for her and with her. This is a season, and yes it will go by quickly as many people your age tell me right now. However, it doesn't always feel like that. Not on days when the 2 year old disobeys all day long and the baby has been crying nonstop because another tooth is coming in. Saying it won't last long doesn't make her feel any better. It makes her feel like she's not allowed to say she's had a rough day. Remember to be a cheerleader.
Let her know that if she wants to go out of her way to make super cool cupcakes and decorations for a birthday party, that's okay. If she has a house that has unfolded laundry and toys all over the place, that's okay. She shouldn't feel guilty for either. Often, your younger mom self reads articles subtly bashing moms who want to be creative and also making it seem like their kid's rooms need to look like something out of a catalog. There's a lot of pressure on us moms from society, too. If she seems stressed that she needs to do what everyone else is doing or not doing, give her words of affirmation and point out everything she's doing right.
It's taken me weeks to have the time to write this to you. Both kids are actually napping at the same time. Yeah, a miracle. I'm sure you will have great wisdom to bestow having raised kids. Remember to give your adult children space to raise their own families, but the closeness and love they need to make it through the rough days with your help. It's all about balance.
See ya in a few decades. :)
Jenn
