Friday, May 27, 2011

God Glasses

I think we all have aspects of ourselves we would rather do without.  I know one of mine is having some intuition but then judging others based on that instead of loving them as I would want to be loved through that imperfection.  I can be a double standard.

I think we all have room to grow...whether we are 8 or 80.  God will never be done revealing things to us and making us whole as long as we dwell on this earth.  Hopefully, we won't be a stumbling block for others on their journey, but truly love them and be longsuffering no matter their "issues". 

I think I can get worked up over the faults of others, because I don't want my own to be seen.  Because I am prideful and think I know best.  How silly is that?  How can I possibly know what the right decision is for someone else?  When I step back and look at the bigger picture, I feel like a fool who just can't keep their mouth shut sometimes when I have no idea what I am really talking about.  I try to control situations so that no one gets hurt.  But do I really know what will and won't hurt another person or what is best for them?  Maybe it would be best for me.

I am humbled and laugh a little when God does this.  When he pulls me back so that I can see what is really going on.  When I am standing on a hilltop looking at the situation with a fresh point of view instead of with my limited tunnel vision.  He never ceases to amaze me or surprise me.  I was blind but now I see...with the more perfect vision of a more perfect being.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Prayers Felt

Have you ever just felt prayers that are being prayed for you?  It's this indescribable feeling of support and lightness.  It could be as you are busy at your job, cleaning the house, in the middle of dinner or with friends and family.  It is a feeling of being lifted up by prayers you know have been uttered on your behalf.  You don't know who exactly or how, but the prayers that are prayed from an earnest heart never go unanswered.

I was feeling that recently as I was working.  It made me so grateful to those that spend themselves before the throne on my behalf.  What a gift!  It made me think of the many blessings in my life.  I think of how God has answered the prayer of a little girl that she would one day, have the kind of life she saw others had.  And I do.  Because, even though I may have envied their material things, what I wanted most, was so much more than that.  I wanted peace.  I wanted love.  I wanted to not feel so alone and worthless.  I am SO blessed that I don't feel that way anymore.  I have been given so much in the past few years.  I just overflow with the joy and fullness that only gifts sent straight from heaven give a heart.  Mostly, these gifts are people.  They are people that are in my life now that I love...and love me back.  A true treasure in this life is loving and being loved.

If the pain I went through as a child was the only way I would truly know and understand this ocean of love, joy and gladness, then so be it.  There is no thing on this earth I would trade it in for.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Why?

2010 was a year that I asked this question a lot.  I asked a dozen times a day some days.  Why began specific questions primarily about why God decided our child was better off with him than with us right now. 

What I have learned from that year and each day that passes, is that I have to be okay with not really knowing why.  The more I accept the fact that there are reasons I could never fathom, reasons that are heaven-made and not only a product of the sin of this world...the more my soul can rest and hope.  I could either look at it as God taking our child away from us, or God protecting her from what I will never know this side of heaven.  I think of the verse that talks about how we can see dimly down here, but in heaven it will all be crystal clear.  I believe that day will be here sooner than I can imagine.


I think about all of the prayers I pray, and how naive I can be about them.  I know they are good things to pray, but don't necessarily have the foresight or wisdom to recognize how God will answer.  For example, I pray that he would be number one in my life, that I would always follow the course he has set out for me, that he would show me his plan, that he would teach me to love and have faith, that I would be genuine...I believe his decision that it was the baby's time to be with him was a partial answer to prayers like those.  Although his perfect plan was never that death, pain and sin be part of our equation, he always seems to turn lemons into lemonade.

Whatever the situations we face that just blow our minds, I think of how God is not surprised.  I think of how we forget that, and busy ourselves with the work of figuring things out.  But how futile is that?  If you don't have all of the puzzle pieces, you will never finish the puzzle and see what the big picture truly is.  I think God gives us more of those pieces along the way to help us, but we have to ask him through our faith. We have to remember that our hearts are not necessarily where God wants them to be.  He wants our hearts to be like his and the more we pray for that, the more he will bend, mold and mend us to be as He is.  And that is probably going to hurt sometimes.  Our natural tendency will be to resist, but when we bear the pain with him, the result is something beautiful we see in ourselves that wasn't there before.

I say all of this to get to answer the queston of "Why?"  I think the answer is..."You'll see.  Trust me." 

Monday, May 16, 2011

May 21, 2011 Rapture


Yeah, right.

That is what I have to say about the "prophecy" made that in less than a week the rapture will happen.  Hmm, has this man read the Bible?  No man knows the day or the hour...not even the Son!  C'mon, if that is true then the rapture certainly will not happen this Saturday.  What glory would God receive if it did?

The rapture will happen when God sees fit.  When God the Father has destined it to be.  It really infuriates me that people are succumb so quickly to "false prophets" like this man.  That he is gaining a following not only mentally and emotionally but financially as well. 

We need to be reading our Bibles and put faith in our Creator, not one of his creation.  We need to be in the Word and pray unceasingly for truth and not follow fallible men blindly .  Yes, I believe there can be prophecies.  I wholeheartedly believe God appoints prophets, but not prophets that blatantly refute the Bible! Prophets uphold scripture and bring light in darkness.  This man is creating fear, anxiety and just the opposite of how God truly brings people to himself.  He doesn't threaten them with deadlines.  He gives truth that sets them free.  He knows the human race so well, that he understands how a date of rapture would makes us act...just like the people that believe this supposed prophecy are acting now.  He knew we couldn't handle being given a date.  We would lose sight of what is important...Him, our hearts, our relationship with him.  We would focus on what we need to do to make it in the rapture...not on Him at all.

So, please...read the Bible, pray and don't believe every so-called prophetic, anointed of God preacher that spouts nonsense.  Remember this when you are eating breakfast Sunday morning.

Thorns in the Flesh

Remember that verse where Paul says so passionately and almost desperately (I imagine) how he continues to do those things he does not want to do.  How his humanity gets in the way and hinders what he sees his life with God as.  I am so glad he wrote that.  I feel it so often when those thorns in my side keep me from sprinting through the finish line as fast as I'd like.

But, maybe those thorns are there for a reason.  Constant reminders that we alone can do nothing.  The injuries remind us that we are not invincible or any better than anyone else.  We are not exempt from sorrow just as Jesus was not.  We need to throw our arm around the one who knows what it is like to walk a road with swollen feet, and blood pouring from his body.  We need to let him help us, because he knows the pain of walking forward when you've been beaten and bruised.  He sees our weariness of heart.  He feels our desire to lay down and quit.  Yet, he never leaves us there to let the vultures eat what's left of us.  He scoops us up and carries us when we cannot put one foot in front of the other.

My heart grieves at the thought that I can so easily shew away this same God-man when I think I can complete this course on my own.  Why must I ask only when I am almost dead for his strength and grace?  I am so thankful that at this juncture, he is teaching me what a constant connection can mean.  My pride fights him, but he breaks it like a twig.  I am so thankful for that.  I would much rather endure the pain that comes from growing than the pain that comes from curling up into myself, staying stagnant-but believing I am moving forward.

I pray for the grace I need to keep pressing forward with the One who knows how to do this life better than any being that has ever lived.  Who I am truly is not solely me, but me with Him.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Keeping Balance

I am astounded at how quickly I cease to remember the brevity of this life.  I get so caught up in the busyness, the work to be done, the stress, the plans, the problems...it's like a whirlwind that carries me from the grounded place that God is.  It really is amazing how quickly priorities slip out of order.  What is important can become more important than it should be, and the good foundation we build our lives on can erode so very easily.

I want what I do to matter and to be done right.  Those things are good, but can become bad when there is a lot to be done.  But, when will there not be a lot to be done?  Won't there always be work to do?  Will there not always be deadlines and things to work out?  I think about how I would be were I in heaven looking down at myself.  I imagine I would be laughing at how silly I can be.  I would be laughing at the me down here that doesn't realize the wide scope of eternity.  What we do certainly matters and is of eternal significance, but who we are is way more important.  I think we can confuse doing for being when the doing is supposed to make our being better.  It is such a slippery slope when life is not black and white.

Balance is key in this life, but that balance beam can seem like a see-saw.  We have to stop going back and forth playing so many different roles and find that happy medium in the middle.  To be centered is a precious thing when this world throws so much at us.  I am praying for that today as the papers stack up around me.  That no matter all that is expected from me and of me, that I don't lose sight of what is most important.  That I am the person I need to be in every situation.  A person God is proud to call his child.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Never Settle

Ever have that feeling that what you have accepted or allowed to become important in your life isn't really what it could be?  I think we can deny that we feel uneasy about that decision we've made or person that occupies our time.  We make excuses for our decisions trying to accept them and make them seem good.  We may go on in a relationship that isn't quite right, because there is "potential".  We may pursue a career for just about every reason except knowing in our hearts it's what God intended.

I made a lot of settling decisions, but I am so thankful God never let me be okay with it.  No matter how much I tried to make it work, God never let me rest until I let that decision go...or that person.  And, let me tell you, I am stubborn.  I think God honored my request to always be in his will.  He was corralling me away from mediocrity and danger into green pastures.

It was so worth listening to God in the end.  So worth it.  I am married to an absolutely amazing man that has the biggest heart I have ever known.  I am treated like a princess, and loved so much I can barely breathe sometimes (in a good way:)  I look around my home and wonder how I got into this beautiful little house when I used to live in places where there were holes in the floor and mice living in every crevice.  I get to help people every day in my job and learn how to love even more.  My life is pretty stinkin' good.

I am so glad I listened to God's still small voice when I was younger...when I started down the wrong path.  I still remember the feeling of euphoria when I finally let go of that idea or person I had been holding onto that was just not fitting quite right.  It opened up space for my life now.  Thank God for his patience and understanding as we weave the fabric of our lives.