I am a Statistic

I used to detract from the notion that I am a statistic.  I fought hard to not be included in the statistic of those who grew up like me.  I didn't want to be included with those who eventually became abusers, addicts, who created their own broken homes, or had done jail time.

I made myself learn.  I educated myself.  I went to therapy.  I became the one to help those who grew up like me as a professional in the mental health field all the while denying the part of me that looked just like my clients.  If I could distance myself, maybe I could recreate who I am.

This "new me" caused problems, though.  The issue was that the "old me" was still there.  What I had to do was find a way to reconcile what was and what I was becoming, but how do you do that?  It's like mixing oil and water. 

That's when I realized, that the new version could not be something I created.  Only God could reconcile what was and what is.  Only he could take what I was learning, how I was growing and the newness of me and meld it with the painful past I carried.  I would not live in the pain without the blessed hope of relief found in him. 

I realized that the past does not need to dominate me, nor does the present need to suppress the lessons I still learn from that heartache. I continue to learn and grow and emerge from what was meant to beat me down.  I embrace what was meant for evil as it is the compost for the beauty that I see now in my life.

I am a new statistic.  I am included with those who not only survive, not only make something new of their lives, but who sit back and watch the glory of God unfold before them as he creates beauty from ashes.

I do like it here.  There is no need for denial.  There is no need for self loathing or wallowing.  It is a place of peace after the storm.  It's where the sweetness of a thorn filled rose fills the air. 

Yes, I like it here.