Sometimes I feel like crying, and I have no idea why. After lots of reflection, I can often backtrack and pinpoint the reason or reasons why. Sometimes it is vaguely clear. Other times, it's not.
It feels like you're standing in the ocean. It's calm. You're about waist deep. Then suddenly a huge wave smacks you under water out of nowhere. You didn't hear it coming. You didn't see it. You're just trying to get yourself back up.
I think a lot of this has to do with my personality type along with trauma I've experienced. The way I think and feel and cope is all related to the way I see life.
I see life through a kaleidoscope lens. It's magical and beautiful, but sometimes really overwhelming to stare at for long periods of time. I have to make a conscious effort to change my viewpoint every now and then or I become dizzy and lightheaded.
I do believe that the intensity at which I feel things is a gift. It's the salt of my life. The issue comes in when there's too much salt, and I'm choking.
I do pray for balance so that what is good and majestic within my personhood does not drown me, overwhelm me and those around me. I embrace the depth to which I feel and the carnival lens I look through. I also know the danger of it, and pray that the Holy Spirit will temper it and subdue it when necessary.
I can find disappointment to be devastating to a point of despair. This plays into my joy of hoping and dreaming of great things for myself and others. Yet, slowly but surely, God is teaching me the joy of being disappointed. Without disappointments, I would not be able to trust so fully in the surety that he never disappoints. Through my roller coaster of emotions, he is firm and steady leading me to rest.
I love that I feel the depths of human emotion in such a vivid way. I also love that God made me this way and loves me just the way that I am.
It feels like you're standing in the ocean. It's calm. You're about waist deep. Then suddenly a huge wave smacks you under water out of nowhere. You didn't hear it coming. You didn't see it. You're just trying to get yourself back up.
I think a lot of this has to do with my personality type along with trauma I've experienced. The way I think and feel and cope is all related to the way I see life.
I see life through a kaleidoscope lens. It's magical and beautiful, but sometimes really overwhelming to stare at for long periods of time. I have to make a conscious effort to change my viewpoint every now and then or I become dizzy and lightheaded.
I do believe that the intensity at which I feel things is a gift. It's the salt of my life. The issue comes in when there's too much salt, and I'm choking.
I do pray for balance so that what is good and majestic within my personhood does not drown me, overwhelm me and those around me. I embrace the depth to which I feel and the carnival lens I look through. I also know the danger of it, and pray that the Holy Spirit will temper it and subdue it when necessary.
I can find disappointment to be devastating to a point of despair. This plays into my joy of hoping and dreaming of great things for myself and others. Yet, slowly but surely, God is teaching me the joy of being disappointed. Without disappointments, I would not be able to trust so fully in the surety that he never disappoints. Through my roller coaster of emotions, he is firm and steady leading me to rest.
I love that I feel the depths of human emotion in such a vivid way. I also love that God made me this way and loves me just the way that I am.
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