Reality Bites

I admit...I am a reality show junkie.  I just can't help myself.  I know that most of it is ridiculous, but I find myself sucked into the lives of these people.  I want to understand them, the dynamics in their relationships and see what happens next.


Gary and Teen Mom Amber's Break-Up

The more I watch the "reality" that takes over my living room, the more I realize a common theme.  When it comes to relationships, which most reality shows are about, everyone wants to be loved.  They may go after love in lots of different ways.  One person might keep their distance scared of love while another throws themselves in the arms of others hoping the gesture will make the other person love them.  I find myself feeling sorry for the people I am watching...that they are so damaged and/or unsure of themselves that drama is invited into their lives.  From teenagers (16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom) to grown men and women (Keeping up with the Kardashians, Jersey Shore, Housewives), people just want to be loved for who they are.     

                                                   

Kim Kardashian's larger than life wedding

People say, "I love you" in romantic relationships when they really mean, "I care about you".  Have you ever done that?  Have you ever said you loved someone when you realized later, you cared about them a lot.  You were never in love with them.  I have thought I was in love with someone only to realize I was in love with being in love.  I liked this person enough to try to make them be the person I was going to be in love with.  I was going to look over the issues that I later realized would have been devastating for both of us had we stayed together.  I was going to focus on the positive and keep hoping this person would fit into my love story.  I did not realize at the time how much God would show me about who I really was and what I can accomplish.

I realized to be in love with someone, is intoxicating.  To be madly, deeply in love cannot be measured or explained.  It isn't about what you get out of it.  It isn't even about what the other person gets out of the relationship.  It just, is.  Until you have truly been in love, not lust or like, these words are mere letters put together on a page.

The difference between loving someone and being in love with them comes down to forces beyond our control.  If you love someone, that doesn't mean they will love you back, but to be in love means you are in it with someone else.  They are going to be with you the rest of this life, for better or worse until death do you part.  It's magical and mysterious.  It's a blessing that lasts a lifetime.  It is a gift and had God only given me one thing on this earth, I would choose to truly be in love.  I am thankful to be able to say that He did give that gift to me, and I am a very, very blessed woman. 

Family Matters

Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the family you were born into?  Your astonishment may have come years ago whey you were an angst-filled teenager, or maybe it was just last week at a family gathering.  I can remember (when I was an intensely serious and philosophical 15 year old) thinking I was not "supposed to be" in the family I found myself coexisting with.  Even now, I continue to get frustrated by family matters.

Over the past few years, my view of family has morphed.  I find myself understanding what God had in mind when he came up with the concept of family.  It doesn't mean we always understand each other.  It doesn't mean we have lots in common.  It means we love each other.  It means we give grace where grace needs to be given.  It means that although we may not quite get one another completely, we still try.

Just a few days ago, family filled Christmas.  There were presents everywhere.  I realized last night, as I ate chocolate covered cherries snuggled under my electric blanket, my soft, cozy socks keeping my feet warm and watching episodes of The Office, that my family really did understand those little things that make me so happy.  I smiled unconsciously in the half light of the television.  My family knew my simple joys and tried to give them to me for Christmas.  I just hope that my gifts to them were as special.

Families have struggles.  They argue, get their feelings hurt and don't always know how to communicate with one another effectively, but a true family never gives up.  They keep working things out.  They keep loving no matter the situation.  They learn from those that are different from them, and they forgive.  You can be related to someone but never be able to truly call them family.  A family is not necessarily something you are given at birth.  It is something you choose to be a part of.

It's the Simple Things

As I sit by my beautifully lit tree smelling the fragrance of Christmas, sipping hot cocoa by candlelight, I can't help but take a deep breath in and sigh with satisfaction.  A few minutes ago, when perusing my cabinet I giggled like a little girl as I saw my most brightly colored holiday mug hiding in the back.  A peppermint hot chocolate soon filled the sorely neglected ceramic cup.

With Christmas quickly approaching and as the gift giving ensues, I secretly wish I could give others simple gifts like the ones I enjoy instead of the ones I have wrapped for them under the tree.  The truth is, many of those nicely wrapped presents will lose their novelty after a few weeks (or less than that), but the special little things that seem to brighten life continue to be appreciated.

The first Christmas was all about a little family, a little baby, and a little stall in a little town.  I can't help but be grateful at how God gives me such appreciation for my little things to remind me what's important in life.  So, even though I love the happiness on others' faces when they first see my carefully thought out gift, the better gifts are always the small ones that take us by surprise.

Holding On

Small children often go through anxiousness as they learn that it's okay not to be with mommy and daddy constantly.  They may cry and tantrum when mom and dad leave, but parents who want their kids to learn how to be independent and confident people don't stay.  They let them cry for awhile reminding them they will be back for them allowing them to learn what it means to be on their own in the world with the knowledge that they are still very loved.

I think the longer someone is a Christian, the more they tend to forget that even though God is not present, he is still coming back.  He still knows and hears what is going on.  I know I tend to forget that I am not alone in this life.  Just because I don't always feel like jumping up and down and having a hallelujah fit doesn't mean that I am not loved.  It means I have to trust that much more.  When he doesn't feel close, I have to revert to what I know to be true.

I think we can start to hold onto things instead of  holding onto the promises of God.  We can put people where God should be without realizing what we've done.  We can actually see these things and people.  We can hear them, and they often make us feel good most of the time.  We forget how fickle people can be.  We forget how flawed and needy.  When we have the stuff we were dying to have, after awhile it loses it's appeal, and we want the next big and better thing.  It's so very dangerous to put money, a job, a spouse or friend in the space God should be.  Heartbreak and loneliness are inevitable. 

I think a theme with me lately has been learning to let go and hold onto what needs to be held onto.  For me, control of situations makes me safe and secure.  It also makes me intensely anxious when things don't go according to plan.  How I need to rest in the arms of God instead of getting stuck on my journey by trying to control life.  I often forget that he is taking care of what needs to be handled.  What I do not know, he does.  What I cannot see, he's seen, and where I have not been, he's already been.  I know that I have missed joys in life, because I have been more concerned with dealing with the details than watching the scenery.  I am realizing that although it is scary, releasing my fingers from what I've held onto so tightly actually feels good.  Whatever will be, will be, and God will be there no matter what happens.

A Dog and his Chicken Leg

I was sitting on the couch last night relaxing after a day filled with busyness, contemplation and having to do things bosses hate to do.  As I sat there, I began to think about events during the day that bothered me, and I found myself holding onto them for dear life.  My mind kept saying, "What are you doing?  This is silly."  My emotions were set on replaying those events.

Just a few minutes later, our dog Bailey comes into the living room doorway with something in his mouth.  We had the overhead light off, so Eric thought it was one of his toys.  I saw the way he was fixated and knew...he'd gotten in the trash and taken out an old piece of fried chicken I had thrown away.  I went over to him ,telling him to let go.  Eric kept telling him to let go, too.  As I grabbed the chicken, I realized he had a death grip on it.  He was not going to give up without a fight.  We kept telling him to drop it.  Let it go.  Finally after a couple of minutes, he acquiesed.  We banished him from the kitchen but couldn't help but smile and laugh as he cocked his head to one side with his hound dog ears spread out like radar and looked up sadly at us with his light brown eyes.

As I sat back on the couch after reprimanding him, I thought about how Bailey and I were so alike.  We both went in to the trash, took something out that we had no business having, and held onto it no matter how it would affect us. 
I have been praying to let go of those things that are so inconsequential and not worth the brainpower to keep thinking about.  I seem to be able to let go of the bigger things in life so easily and trust God.  Somehow, I keep wanting scraps, though.  I tend to want to revert to ways that aren't allowed.  Life is a fancy dinner.  I am praying I learn to keep my head out of the trash.

The Man of my Dreams

A little girl dreams of prince charming riding up on his gallant horse and whisking her away into the sunset.  She doesn't think about what happens afterwards, just the anticipation of him arriving and taking her away to live in the castle of her dreams.

In reality, the girl grows up waiting for that perfect fairy tale, and many times we don't realize it hasn't arrived yet.  We don't realize that what may be a good situation is not great.  We can get in that carriage and ride off into the sunset, but we are really signing up for a life we never wanted.  We are compromising what we really want and silence the voice within that says there is so much more.  Because after the sun goes down, darkness sets in.  That is when our prince charming builds a fire or when he expects us to.  There is going to be night.  Either that knight in shining armor protects and defends her or he sits on the couch while she fights the battles.  He is completely content being able to have her and not have to do what is difficult.  She just doesn't see though, that she is so worth fighting for...no matter what the fight is.

My heart breaks when I see women around me settle because the guy isn't hitting her or insulting her.  She thinks he is nice when there are so many guys that aren't, but being nice is a basic requirement.  God wants more for us than just someone that is a nice guy.  He wants us to be with the person he has in mind to walk through this life with us, committed no matter what may happen.  I would have never realized this unless he had shown me in my own life.  My husband isn't just nice, he flatters me to the point where I really believe he sees this amazing beauty that I don't.  He isn't with me, because he was lonely or just wanted a girlfriend.  He chose me believing I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  He challenges me to be a better person...to be the person that lies beneath my fears or insecurities.  He teaches me what love is.  When I am at my lowest, he is always there.  I can tell him what I really think, and no matter what it is, we work it out together.  It may take us a long time to figure it out, but we still talk about what would be so easy to avoid discussing.  He will do things that are important to me even if it makes him uncomfortable. No matter the issues from my past, I put it out there for us to tackle together.

I am so very thankful for God answering prayers of so many people through the marriage I have now.

Unanswered Prayer

How is it that when you're young and really know nothing, you think you know it all, and when you're older and know so much more, you really feel like you know nothing?  I guess that's the definition of wisdom.  It makes you feel clueless at times and grows your patience and faith.

I remember being a young woman entering my twenties and realizing that I did not have much wisdom at all.  This was a news flash to me since I was a know-it-all in my teens.  I remember praying incessantly for God to make me genuine and open my eyes to truth when I saw how the lack of these traits led people I admired to let me down miserably.

God answers prayer...and he keeps answering.  When we think he's done, he comes back with more of an answer.  When we have prayed that prayer a thousand times with a seemingly silent response, he has not forgotten.  Sometime in the future, we will realize he may have already answered or just waited until that absolute perfect time.  Then, we praise him most.  Then, we give him the glory.  Then, we glimpse a bit of heaven.

I know I have prayed things I don't think about again until it is answered out of nowhere.  He waits until the time is right, until our hearts are primed, until everything aligns.  I am so very grateful for a God, a King, a Father that loves me so much, he will make me wait for better than the best.  A God of great surprises and a God of great mercy.  He doesn't necessarily give us what we want, but he always gives us what we truly need.