Friday, July 29, 2011

Don't Take it Personally

Have you ever felt like someone just plunged a dagger into your heart by the words they say or actions they did or did not take?  I know we all have.  When it happens to me, I try to step back from my shock and pain and think about where they are coming from.  In many cases, they didn't see it as something personal.  It was business or just par for the course to them.  I try to give them the benefit of the doubt knowing they don't realize how much pain I am in.

I do this because I don't want to be angry and bitter.  I don't want to hold a grudge as I am apt to do.  I want to logically think about this event that seems so illogical to me.  Thinking about the feelings of someone else is always on my mind.  I never want to say or do something that hurts another person.  This can be an asset or a defect in some situations.  I guess, when those oblivious people hurt me, I want give them just a little bit of the overabundance of concern I seem to carry with me.

It baffles me how insensitive people can be.  We can be completely unaware of how hurtful we are.  We get so consumed with our own lives, with our own agendas, that we don't even think that we can affect others in such a way.  The truth is, when any human being comes in contact with another, they influence the other.  We have the power to make someones day or make someones day terrible.

How can any interaction between two human beings not be personal?  Whether we say it's just business or not, the moment we begin our interaction, some type of feelings begin to develop.  We aren't robots.  We are beings made of flesh and blood.  The arrows of insult don't bounce off of us like we are made of steel.  No, they penetrate and can become infected.

We may not be aware that the fiery arrow we let go was not deflected, and it's recipient is struggling to pull it out of their chest.  We may have gone on with our day without a care, but they are weak and bleeding.  My prayer today is for us to remember how human we are and take that into account when interacting with other people.  My prayer is for those hurting from unintended insults to gather their strength, get up and move on.  You can't lead a happy life without some give and take.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Women of Power

I had been mentioning a movie I really wanted to see to my husband for the past few weeks.  When I got home from work yesterday, he had this look on his face like he had an amazing secret.  He then told me he had rented a movie for us to watch.  I asked, and he had me try to guess.  He kept me guessing and had this air of excitement in his voice.  Finally, he told me the title, and I got very excited.  A look of pride and satisfaction came over him like a little boy who had just retrieved a runaway balloon and presented it to it's owner.
Seeing how wonderful it made him feel that he pleased me, made me think about the power we as women have over the men who love us.  They want to make us happy. Even more than that, they want affirmation that they please us.  The job of being the man in our lives is very important to them, and they want to do it well.  We can make them feel lousy or like superman.  We have the tools to nurture and the nature to tear down. 

A nagging and negative woman is like a bad boss.  Our men end up not wanting to come home to that job if their wives are constantly tearing them down.  He doesn't want to hear all of the things he isn't doing right and never hear about the things he does do right or how much effort he does put into the relationship.  I am not saying in any way that women are superior to men.  I am saying that a good man is made better when he knows he is making a positive contribution to the life of the woman he loves.  He becomes a better leader and a better person.

Women need to recognize the power they hold in their hands.  Men may not appear to be fragile, but remember, they give their hearts to us and willingly make themselves vulnerable.  They may not seem sensitive, but when it comes to the women they love, they are probably more sensitive than we are.

I am so very thankful that my husband opened up his heart to me and continues to daily.  I pray today that the words I speak and actions I take re-affirm that being vulnerable with me is a good decision.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Broken Wings

On a flight home from vacation recently, I watched a family in the seats in front of me.  As the plane taxied down the runway, a little boy around 4 years old twisted and turned to look out the window at all of the things little boys love about airports and airplanes.  He kept calling his mom so he could talk to her about what he was so excited about.  After four or five calls, she finally lifted her head and nodded.  She put her head back down.

As the airplane took off, the little boy squealed with excitement.  His little sister was sitting in the middle seat beside of him and began to cry.  Their mother, who sat on the aisle seat, comforted her and kissed her.  As the flight continued, the flight attendants began to serve beverages and snacks.  The little boy began to get very excited and kept asking his mother questions.  She finally looked over and said, "Shut up!".  I was horrified.  He didn't respond back to her, but continued to fidget and anxiously await the cart to arrive.  He became more and more anxious and kept moving in his seat.  His mother finally scolded him harshly.  I couldn't understand what she said, but he immediately began to cry.  He curled up like a snail and looked out the window sobbing.  This infuriated me as I watched her gently caress her daughter.


Throughout the four hour plane ride, I would smile at the little boy as he glanced back between the seats at me.  He never smiled back.  It seems he didn't know how to respond to a woman being nice to him.

The whole scene broke my heart.  I prayed for this boy as the plane ride continued.  I prayed for him to grow up and not be a broken man.  I prayed that what his mother was doing to him would not be passed down.  I prayed that he would know love and not become more and more angry.  I wanted to take him home with me.  I wanted to show him that it was okay to be a little boy that was excited to be on an airplane.

I saw what this little boy can become raised in such an environment.  He will most likely be diagnosed with ADHD or something like it.  In reality, he is scared of losing the tiny bit of affection he does get from his mother.  So, he is constantly stressed.  Children express this through hyperactivity much of the time.  He is a broken little boy.  Others see him seemingly quickly recover from the blows his mother gives.  The reality is that he doesn't know how to handle them, so they never heal.  He is a child that has not developed the reasoning or emotional maturity to process this kind of pain.  He has to wait until he gets older to heal fully.  The problem is that he may never get the help he needs to do this or be in the environment to do this.  He will seek out others that treat him the same way his mother does not realizing what he is doing.

I pray that he becomes a good man.  I pray he will know God and not believe the lies that his mother is telling him about who he really is.  Every "shut up" tells him he is not worth her time.  She doesn't really care about what he thinks or needs.  He is a nuisance.  She loves his sister more.  He isn't good enough.  He never says or does the right thing.  He will constantly be trying to figure out who he needs to be to please her and be loved. 

Although I will never know their names, I will never forget them.  I will never forget a mother that is so broken herself that she is doing the same thing to her son.  It is never too late to let love heal.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Little Seeds

When my husband and I bought our house, it came with a garden.  It was quite a large garden to be in town.  We decided we would try to keep it up, and planted all kinds of vegetables this year.  We tried to start the seeds indoors first when it was still cold out so that they would have more of a chance when they were planted.  As time passed, some of the seeds matured, and we planted the tiny little plants.  We have 2 sunflowers right now that came from little seeds I began inside that are now over 10 feet tall.  Unfortunately, many of the seeds we tried to nurture in the warmth of our home, never got past a seedling.

It makes you wonder why some seeds "make it" and some don't.  Why is that two similar seeds can be in the same environment and treated with delicate care, yet only one survives?  It could be that one seed had a tiny defect that could not be seen.  It could be that the one type needed an environment that could provide even more care.  It could be that we didn't realize how it needed to be treated in the first place since every seed is unique.

Now, suppose the seeds are human beings.  Some seeds survive no matter what the environment or treatment they are given.  They grow up through obstacles and bear fruit.  Others can't endure such harsh conditions.  They become deformed, useless and are cast aside.  Some are just so delicate they were never meant to live on this earth, so they never grow up.

When you think about the conditions we need to grow into productive, competent members of society, it's pretty amazing how everything needs to be just right.  It's amazing how many things must be overcome.  Every seed planted is one God plants himself.  He knows about each one.  He knows that some have to fight off bugs, weeds and animals in order to survive.  He knows how hard it can be to be a decent human being.  It's nice to know that he is always rooting for us, no matter how old we are or what stage in development.  He gives us opportunities to be fertilized and weeded around.  He protects us from the one that wants to devour us.

I am thankful today for his green thumb.  I am thankful that he sees how I've grown and smiles as we do when we look at our garden.  And I am especially grateful today that he sends refreshing waters to feed my soul in the form of himself through others.  What a blessing.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

There's so Much More

I am grateful for the things that happen in this life that make us appreciate the one to come.  The pain, uncertainty, confusion and ignorance can be used to focus on what is to come instead of the temporal. 

I am thankful that the life to come is endless bliss. 


I can't even fathom the lengths God has gone to make it uniquely perfect for each one of us. 

All of the "more" of this life means nothing compared to the riches to come.  It is all empty vanity.  What is priceless are our relationships, who we really are, what we do for the kingdom.

No matter the pain endured down here, it pales in comparison to the sweet relief of eternity.  An eternity filled with the bright light of Christ.  So, when you're feeling downtrodden and beaten down, remember there is great hope in the life to come.

Friday, July 1, 2011

This Ain't no Fairy Tale

I was just looking at a picture of my husband and I in front of the Eiffel Tower on our honeymoon.  We look happy and in love, without a care in the world.  If you looked at that picture you might see that.  And we were so in love and happy to be with one another.  But there is always more there than what a picture can capture.

A lot was going on at that time.  We were reeling from the stress of just 4 months to plan a wedding with very little money.  In the previous six months, we had lived in different states and traveled back and forth every weekend.  When we got engaged, I moved.  I had to find a job (which didn't happen until right before we got married) and ended up crashing with a friend.  My soon-to-be-spouse felt the burden of providing for me financially well before he was prepared to.  I got sued for a car accident that happened years before.  My step-dad was in declining health, and I was hoping he would have the strength to make the wedding.  Other unexpected stressors kept jabbing at our relationship from every side.  And to top it all off, I was trying to figure out how to fully trust a man-making the tension electrifying.

So much is unsaid on a daily basis.  There is so much going on in the lives of others that we really have no idea about.  I think back to those times, and how much understanding we both needed from others.  I think of the people that were so strong when I was not.  Like an amazing friend that became my maid of honor 2 days before the wedding when my best friend couldn't make it.  She even wore a dress I am sure she was not crazy about, but she did it.  She's the one that let me live with her for free, too.  This person has seen every side of bad and ugly I have, and is still one of my best friends in the world.  I foresee her being part of my life and vice versa as long as I am on this earth.

I am not always patient with others' shortcomings, even though I can excuse my own.  I think this is a fault we can all say we have.  Nevertheless, people need someone to give them a glimmer of hope when they are bogged down in worries.  They need genuine kindness and for others to look past behavior that is nasty.  The fuel for that behavior is the problem.  We all have to admit we consume that fuel that can turn us into the worst version of ourselves.  That isn't really us, though.  Hopefully, we can remember it works the same way for other people.  They just need some patience and understanding.