For the past three years, March 29th has been a day laced with sadness as we think of the little baby that died in my womb. Although we are still saddened by the memories surrounding this anniversary and the days following, we have something miraculous to look forward to this year. Another baby is on the way, and will arrive very soon!
I was looking in the mirror last night at my belly in absolute awe. I just kept wondering, "Am I really 9 months pregnant? Has God truly blessed me? Is this all a dream?" I guess there is a part of me that is waiting to wake up. It is so amazing to think that there is a little human being created by the hands of the Father of all...sleeping, hearing my voice, sucking her thumb, and rolling around in there.
God continually reminds me that he keeps his promises. I worry if this baby will live...even at this late stage in the game. It really isn't my call. I know that whether she lives here or in heaven, she will be his. I also know that each second we have with her, I will cherish so much more now that I know the pain of never knowing our first child.
Daffodils are usually one of the first flowers of Spring to bloom. When we lost the first baby, I had found one by itself in the woods the day she left us. I also witnessed a little girl giving her Daddy a Daffodil at the airport as she greeted him when he arrived home. I believe God was showing me that we would one day meet her, and she was safe with her Father in heaven.
It's funny how the flower theme transferred as we began thinking of names for this child. We are naming the new baby Sarah Rose. Rose is a family name honoring a great grandmother that is in heaven. It is also symbolic of the resurrection of Christ. The first baby left us on Good Friday. The rose symbolizes the life this baby will bring. It is symbolic to me of the blood Christ spilled for us (color) and the pain endured (thorns) in order for us to know the beauty of the rose.
I feel blessed to know I will one day meet a child I once carried who now lives in heaven, and within a few weeks, I will also meet another child whose destiny was to live here on earth. God began teaching us how to be good parents long before now. We had to learn to let go of expectations and any right to any child with whom God chooses to bless us.
Although I am sad today, the resurrection is just a few days away! I can't imagine the pain God felt as he watched his son die a horrific death. It was all to save an undeserving people. I pray that we can place God's will above our own desires as parents and that we will raise a child who would make the ultimate sacrifice, whatever that may be, if called to do so.
I was looking in the mirror last night at my belly in absolute awe. I just kept wondering, "Am I really 9 months pregnant? Has God truly blessed me? Is this all a dream?" I guess there is a part of me that is waiting to wake up. It is so amazing to think that there is a little human being created by the hands of the Father of all...sleeping, hearing my voice, sucking her thumb, and rolling around in there.
God continually reminds me that he keeps his promises. I worry if this baby will live...even at this late stage in the game. It really isn't my call. I know that whether she lives here or in heaven, she will be his. I also know that each second we have with her, I will cherish so much more now that I know the pain of never knowing our first child.
Daffodils are usually one of the first flowers of Spring to bloom. When we lost the first baby, I had found one by itself in the woods the day she left us. I also witnessed a little girl giving her Daddy a Daffodil at the airport as she greeted him when he arrived home. I believe God was showing me that we would one day meet her, and she was safe with her Father in heaven.
It's funny how the flower theme transferred as we began thinking of names for this child. We are naming the new baby Sarah Rose. Rose is a family name honoring a great grandmother that is in heaven. It is also symbolic of the resurrection of Christ. The first baby left us on Good Friday. The rose symbolizes the life this baby will bring. It is symbolic to me of the blood Christ spilled for us (color) and the pain endured (thorns) in order for us to know the beauty of the rose.
Although I am sad today, the resurrection is just a few days away! I can't imagine the pain God felt as he watched his son die a horrific death. It was all to save an undeserving people. I pray that we can place God's will above our own desires as parents and that we will raise a child who would make the ultimate sacrifice, whatever that may be, if called to do so.
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