To have the Faith of Juma

At what point does concern grow into worry?  Can we pinpoint the moment when our concern grows into an obsession that has no solution?

I think what matters is what we decide to do with what may be a very valid concern.  We can determine if there is a way to fix it or not.  Then, if there is no way to fix it, we can either leave it up to God and faithfully wait for his answer to the concern or decide to keep thinking and ruminating over it.

I am one that tends to worry.  I want to know the answer now.  I don't want to wait for the solution.  I don't want to watch without any control over something I think I can answer. No, I want to make everything fit nicely into a box that I can carry around and place where I want it.  The unknown does not fit into my box.  So, I try to force it there.

I think we worry a lot about things that are ridiculous to worry about.  In the grand scheme of things, in light of an eternity with the most beautiful eternal being, we decide to worry about how much money we have, our jobs, and our kids instead of living a life full and blessed as God intended.  You might think it is fine and normal to worry about our kids, but I don't think it is.  I think it is absolutely normal to be concerned for them, but not pleasing to God to replay their issues in our minds over and over again.  I don't think it is healthy to push our ideas of what we think will make them happy onto them, either.  That is birthed from worry.  Worry will ultimately push our children, families and everyone away from us.  Worry is anxiety, and anxiety demonstrates a lack of faith.

I am saying these things knowing full well how anxious I can become, but I also know that God is gracious and patient.  He places us in various situations and circumstances to help us grow our faith.  He gives us opportunities to learn to rely on him.  We don't become people of faith without listening to him, waiting with him and relying on him to carry us through the unknown, scary places.  How many of us can say we are truly content?  I don't think many people in this country feel that way.

I will never forget meeting a young African boy when I went to Kenya many years ago.  This 12 year old boy made me so happy, because he was happy.  He had lived on the streets most of his life and found his way to a boys' home after living a life of hardship abandoned by everyone that was supposed to love him.  All he had was Jesus, and it was evident by the contagious smile on his face and the peace that seemed to gush from within like a fountain of gold.  He didn't have everything figured out.  He just knew God would provide.  This young man had the wisdom of an 80 year old and the heart of an angel.  I will never forget Juma.  I left Africa wanting to live a life like that.

I still think about him and joy floods within.  I barely knew him, but the blessing of knowing someone with that kind of faith continues to change me. 

This Ain't no Fairy Tale

I was just looking at a picture of my husband and I in front of the Eiffel Tower on our honeymoon.  We look happy and in love, without a care in the world.  If you looked at that picture you might see that.  And we were so in love and happy to be with one another.  But there is always more there than what a picture can capture.

A lot was going on at that time.  We were reeling from the stress of just 4 months to plan a wedding with very little money.  In the previous six months, we had lived in different states and traveled back and forth every weekend.  When we got engaged, I moved.  I had to find a job (which didn't happen until right before we got married) and ended up crashing with a friend.  My soon-to-be-spouse felt the burden of providing for me financially well before he was prepared to.  I got sued for a car accident that happened years before.  My step-dad was in declining health, and I was hoping he would have the strength to make the wedding.  Other unexpected stressors kept jabbing at our relationship from every side.  And to top it all off, I was trying to figure out how to fully trust a man-making the tension electrifying.

So much is unsaid on a daily basis.  There is so much going on in the lives of others that we really have no idea about.  I think back to those times, and how much understanding we both needed from others.  I think of the people that were so strong when I was not.  Like an amazing friend that became my maid of honor 2 days before the wedding when my best friend couldn't make it.  She even wore a dress I am sure she was not crazy about, but she did it.  She's the one that let me live with her for free, too.  This person has seen every side of bad and ugly I have, and is still one of my best friends in the world.  I foresee her being part of my life and vice versa as long as I am on this earth.

I am not always patient with others' shortcomings, even though I can excuse my own.  I think this is a fault we can all say we have.  Nevertheless, people need someone to give them a glimmer of hope when they are bogged down in worries.  They need genuine kindness and for others to look past behavior that is nasty.  The fuel for that behavior is the problem.  We all have to admit we consume that fuel that can turn us into the worst version of ourselves.  That isn't really us, though.  Hopefully, we can remember it works the same way for other people.  They just need some patience and understanding.