As my daughter was splashing and laughing in the bathtub tonight, I found myself looking at my reflection in our medicine cabinet mirror. I'm not sure why I was staring at myself for so long. But there I was, analyzing the person I seem to just be getting to really know.
The first thoughts in my mind were critiques as I stretched my neck closer to analyze my thirty something face. "Ugh, those laugh lines don't disappear." "How many more gigantic pores can I get?" " Why did I have to stay out in the sun so much when I was younger? Now I have sun spots." "Is my skin starting to droop under my chin?" I would smile and frown over and over again watching the crow's feet around my eyes stand their ground. I stared into my eyes looking at a woman starting to age, not the girl that once stared back at her. Gazing at my reflection, I began to see more than time marching across my face. The woman staring back was someone I realized I respect.
As I looked at her, I saw maturity that had never been there before, and that's not because I have gray hair (not yet, anyway). There was wisdom there that was missing a decade ago. There was more composure, grace and confidence. I thought to myself, "I like this me a lot more."
What a foolish woman I can be! I get so obsessed sometimes over what I look like. My husband gets tired of hearing me fret over wrinkles and dress sizes. I tire of it. And what bothers me most is that I will be teaching my daughter to hate the way she looks if I don't stop the nonsense. She imitates me every day. It would break my heart immensely if she were to one day look in the mirror bashing herself like I do.
I know that most women do this to some degree. Looking like the women on television and in magazines becomes our goal. Isn't that what the articles in the magazines at the grocery store check-out are about? They tell you how to lose weight to look like your favorite celebrity, and how to get your hair, make-up and clothes to look like people that live in Hollywood. Because if you are just like them, you will be happy and accepted. Right?
The problem is, it's never good enough. You can never have a perfect body that never ages or changes as you have children. Once you have the perfect outfit, someone else has one more perfect. We aren't Barbie dolls. We are humans that are most beautiful in our original form, without the make-up to cover our flaws. We aren't immortal. We will not stay forever young. We're fallen creatures in need of our God to make all things right. That's why even the stars in Hollywood, with all of their money and botox, still need God. Nothing apart from Jesus Christ will ever truly make them know joy.
With this in mind, I am making a conscious effort to model for my daughter an appreciation for the way I was made in hopes that she will appreciate herself. Though wrinkles reproduce, I will embrace them as a reflection of life lived. I will remember that God made me, and what He sees is what I caught a glimpse of in the mirror tonight. That's what I want my daughter to learn about beauty. You may not recognize it until it is revealed. And that's the life of Christ I want her to see through me.
As I looked at her, I saw maturity that had never been there before, and that's not because I have gray hair (not yet, anyway). There was wisdom there that was missing a decade ago. There was more composure, grace and confidence. I thought to myself, "I like this me a lot more."
What a foolish woman I can be! I get so obsessed sometimes over what I look like. My husband gets tired of hearing me fret over wrinkles and dress sizes. I tire of it. And what bothers me most is that I will be teaching my daughter to hate the way she looks if I don't stop the nonsense. She imitates me every day. It would break my heart immensely if she were to one day look in the mirror bashing herself like I do.
I know that most women do this to some degree. Looking like the women on television and in magazines becomes our goal. Isn't that what the articles in the magazines at the grocery store check-out are about? They tell you how to lose weight to look like your favorite celebrity, and how to get your hair, make-up and clothes to look like people that live in Hollywood. Because if you are just like them, you will be happy and accepted. Right?
The problem is, it's never good enough. You can never have a perfect body that never ages or changes as you have children. Once you have the perfect outfit, someone else has one more perfect. We aren't Barbie dolls. We are humans that are most beautiful in our original form, without the make-up to cover our flaws. We aren't immortal. We will not stay forever young. We're fallen creatures in need of our God to make all things right. That's why even the stars in Hollywood, with all of their money and botox, still need God. Nothing apart from Jesus Christ will ever truly make them know joy.
With this in mind, I am making a conscious effort to model for my daughter an appreciation for the way I was made in hopes that she will appreciate herself. Though wrinkles reproduce, I will embrace them as a reflection of life lived. I will remember that God made me, and what He sees is what I caught a glimpse of in the mirror tonight. That's what I want my daughter to learn about beauty. You may not recognize it until it is revealed. And that's the life of Christ I want her to see through me.
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