Forgive or Forget

My grandmother recently sent me an album full of pictures of my late father.  As I flipped through it for the first time, tears cascaded down my cheeks.  It was surreal seeing images of him I had never seen.  There was one picture in particular that I think of today.  It was one of the last ever taken of him.  He looked frail compared to the man I remembered.  He looked sick.

I have forgiven my father for those hurts in the past.  I continue to forgive him every day in new ways.  I have often wondered how God could remember our sins no more, even if we have asked him to.  I have wondered how he could let the pain we inflict upon him dissipate so easily.  I misjudged, though.  It wasn't easy for him to sacrifice his son.  He went through terrible agony so the day would come when he would not feel the pain we inflict upon him because of our sin.  It took his son hanging in our place for him to now only see him.  We are forgiven as far as the east is from the west.  He doesn't see those things we beat ourselves up about when he looks at us.  He sees his Son.  When we ask to be forgiven in sincerity of heart, we are.  It is done...as simple as that.

Now in my life, I am more able to release the anger stored up from the pain of my childhood.  The effects of sin are long lasting.  Even if we continue to forgive  and even when we "release" that person from their guilt...and that person may be ourselves.  We live with consequences of what we have done in the darkness.  But I am thankful today that those consequences do not enslave us.  They are reminders to stay on the path God has for us.  They are not meant for us to beat ourselves up about the past.  They are meant for us to push forward into a future of freedom.

In the picture of my dad, he was wearing really large sunglasses.  It saddens me to know that deep down, he was so very depressed, afraid and just wanted to hide away from the world.  I live with consequences of his sin and my own.  But I move forward today, praying to remember those sins no more.  I press on praying to be a better person despite that sin and despite satan's hope to keep my family bound.  Today may seem like just another day, but to me, it is a day to forget.