Courageous

I recently watched this movie, Courageous, portraying ideals men should follow in order to be good fathers and in order to be the kind of leaders God wants them to be.  I started thinking about what kind of woman God wants me to be.  What kind of a woman am I?  What is my God-given role?

I came to realize that women of today have assumed the responsibility and try to fill the gap many men have left.  I am talking about the women that are single mothers that work full time plus some.  They still go to the soccer games, bake the cookies and pass around school fundraiser sign up sheets to everyone they know.  They are grandmothers that become mothers.  They are aunts, neighbors and friends that try to fill the void men have left.  They try to give children what is absent, but a woman just cannot give what a father can--no matter how hard they try.  The chasm left when a father does not fill his role is heartbreaking and takes much time and effort to allow the love of the heavenly father to fill.

Women see this pain, and as natural nurturers, want to make it better.  Some are women whose children may have a father present in the body but not in mind and spirit.  They grieve the loss their children feel and try to hold the family together-a job they were never intended to do. This makes them angry at their spouse.  This makes them resent the man that he is not. 

God sent me a husband that is fully capable of leading and directing our family, but I still try to control the reins and drive.  I watched my mother when I was young.  She was like some sort of super hero.  She would leave wearing her nicest clothes and red lipstick.  I wasn't quite sure where she went.  I would long for her return, and when she did, I would always meet her outside no matter how late it was.  I thought she must have done some very important things that day and still managed to go to the grocery store and run the errands.  It had to be important if it took so long. 

She was an important person.  She was an executive secretary at the first BB&T.  When I entered the workforce, I came to appreciate how she worked several jobs at times so that I could say I never felt hungry.  I never slept on the streets or outside.  She took care of the needs an absent father did not, and she never took anything from the government.  We survived.  For that, I will always be indebted.  Yet, I fear that my understanding of what a mother is became distorted.

I am upset.  I am grieved that though I do not have to do the job of my husband, I still feel this urge, even to the point of anxiety, to do the holding up of the family-to lead and take control when that is not what God wants for me.  I think this is due to my womanly need for a stable family life.  My method of having stability however, is not God's.  I do not need to step in and do the job as my mother did.  I often try to take the role of husband when it's not my place. 

It is not looked upon negatively for women to be more like men these days.  If anything, it is applauded.  But do we realize we are emasculating our men?  We are leaving no room for them to rise to the occasion.  We are not encouraging them or spurring them on to be Godly leaders.  We are making fun of them, telling them what to do and rolling our eyes.  We seem to live with them, but we are not one with them anymore.  We use them to fulfill our fairy tales.  We want the beautiful wedding, the big house and the babies.  We expect him to fit into his role as we have always imagined and get angry when he's not perfect (conveniently overlooking our own faults).  Many of our men have been raised by women and have no idea how to be the man God wants him to be.  Many of our men have only known men that hurt them, were selfish, didn't take care of their families, and didn't fear God.  Why can't we give him a break?

I think many of us women who didn't have a good male in our lives or had a lot of inconsistencies really want the man we marry to be that honorable man, a knight in shining armor that we have no problem listening to.  The thing is, our man is not going to be perfect.  He may be a good man, but he will have flaws.  A man that has flaws is not necessarily going to scar us as others have, but I think we often make him out to be a monster when he is merely human.  Minor flaws become magnified since we have been damaged by men before.  We really believe deep down that he will devastate us as well.  So, we try to control him.  We don't really know how to let him lead since we have never really seen how that works, and we don't trust him to.

We need to take a step back and read Scripture.  We need to get healing as individuals so that we can be the person God intended and who our spouse deserves.  Gender roles described in the Bible are not just antiquated and outdated musings.  They apply today.  God made men to protect, lead and take care of his family.  He made women to help, nurture and care for them.  He knows the power of a unified front when a man and woman accept their roles in the relationship.  He knows the power a couple that is of one mind can have.  He knows that whatever may befall them, they can handle it if they work together.  Two is better than one, and the two unified by the bond of God is unbreakable. 

Is There an App for That?

Have you ever gotten an e-mail or text and been truly confused?  You think to yourself... "They aren't really that excited of a person normally.  What's with all of the exclamation marks and smiley faces?"  This person you thought you knew has now morphed into some strange version of themselves when they text you.  You may also wonder what they're trying to say.  With all of the abbreviations and capitalizations, it gets confusing.  It can also be confusing to know what someone truly means without the voice inflection and hand gestures.  Writing of today is nothing like the writing of years past...when it was an art.  Letters were written carefully and thoughtfully.  Every word had to be perfect so as to reflect what was meant.  I think our "writing" to one another has become elementary and often pointless.

I am that generation that started growing up before cell phones, but by the time I entered college, they were popular.  I remember using phone booths and having to walk to someone's house to make a call.  I also remember that fun did not revolve around video games and checking Facebook relentlessly.  I admit, I like social networking, but I often grow tired of the lack of connectedness. You get details about people's lives without making the effort to actually call them or plan to see them face to face.  It's seems like an excuse.  You don't need to call since you already know what's going on in their lives.  Instead of being social, we are really isolating ourselves.

I guess I miss the adventure that technology has conveniently taken away.  There were no Apps or quick texts to get someone to help you out when you had questions or were lost.  You had to figure it out, or you had to actually talk to a real person.  I realize that our hand held devices can get us out of a bad situation, but they can also get us into one.  It seems that we don't think for ourselves as much anymore.  We have Google for that. 

I sometimes wish I lived in a more innocent time-a time when you weren't afraid to let your kids go for a bike ride at dusk.  I don't think those times are ever coming back, though.  That makes me sad.  That means as a whole, the people of this world are getting more and more evil...there's no App for that.

Life Decisions and Working Out

I recently started working out more.  Okay, let me start over.  I recently started working out. :)  I have started out slowly, but I have been pushing myself to do a little more every time I go to the gym.  This morning, I did a pretty intense workout.  I have been walking ever so slowly in my new heels today since my legs and butt are screaming at me not to move.

It's funny how one change in your life can make you feel so much better.  This simple little change I have made has already made a difference.  I physically and mentally feel better.  I know that exercising is releasing stress and helping me be a more healthy person.  I also know that there can be things in our lives that we acknowledge we need to do or change, but just keep putting it off.  Working out was my thing.  I'd say to friends how I knew I needed to do it, but just didn't have the motivation.  I was tired after work, or I didn't think I could get up that early.  What finally motivated me was how cheap the gym was and my husband joining the gym with me.  Even though we don't work out together much, we are both making a lifestyle change.  He is in it with me.  That is a nice feeling.

I think feeling supported in the change is crucial, especially if it is something you kind of dread.  It may be like going to the gym.  You know you need to do it.  You know you will feel better-all the way around, but you just can't seem to get yourself to do the very thing that would be positive in your life.  Sometimes, it can just take someone saying they will walk beside you through it that helps get you get going.  You may see a window of opportunity (like a cheap gym membership) and realize you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.  Other times, you just have to go for it no matter who is with you or how hard it may seem.
Little changes can create amazing results.  We just have to decide to make them each day.

Maybe you have a big change that needs to be made, but are petrified of how it will turn out.  Been there.  It can really suck.  I remember feeling scared to death to make decisions that I knew would alter life as I knew it, but man, I am glad I did.  After I made the decision, it didn't seem so big and scary anymore, either.  Every big decision is preceded by little decisions.  Just make good little decisions, and the big decisions won't seem so huge.  After all, it's the little things that seem to define us-not what everybody else sees.

For Better or for Worse

I really like weddings.  My definition of a "good wedding" is one where the love of the two people getting married seems to shoot bright beams of light out of them.  I find myself smiling from ear to ear when I see two people getting married that are truly meant to be.  They love each other completely.  When they say their vows, you know they mean them.  They mean that they are committed wholly to one another no matter what may happen.  They will put the other above all else.

Now, the challenges of fulfilling those vows can seem insurmountable.  Sometimes, it feels like "worse" is never going to be over.  Sometimes, you or your spouse, start to slip, or you may begin to truly realize what it means to keep those lovely words.  What does it mean to commit your life to someone else?  It certainly isn't realized by the time you get back from the honeymoon.

If you think about vows, and really dig into the meaning of them, they are kind of scary.  I realized after getting married how hard it can be to keep the vows I spoke with lovestruck candor when I didn't feel like there was any possible way the problem would be resolved.  How was I going to stick it out when we didn't seem to know how to communicate, when we had such different backgrounds, when circumstances of life sat on our marriage one ton of bricks after another?

I realized that no matter what, this was a commitment.  I decided long ago, even before that day when everything was supposed to be perfect and beautiful, that I would do whatever it takes to have a good marriage.  I would sacrifice what needed to be done away with, and I would swallow my pride.  How that pans out can be pretty ugly, but I certainly give it a whirl.  I had decided that I would meet him where he is instead of longing for him to do all of the work to meet me.  I realized that I had to stop whining about what I wanted him to do, and do something myself.  I needed to take the steps to have a good marriage.  It's always easier to meet in the middle once somebody takes the first step.

Without a doubt, marriage has changed me for the better, but it never would have been that way had I married the wrong guy.  Marriage is too hard to romanticize.  It should be placed at the very top of the relationship importance scale, behind a relationship with Christ.  Should it fall, you should fight to get it back to it's rightful place.  It's worth the risk of losing your pride or even losing other people.

Just Go for It!

I had a dream recently that I was flying.  I was flying in a modified plane (no top or sides) over orange mountaintops so close it seemed I could have bent over and skimmed the top of them with my fingers.  I was the ultimate of happy in this dream.  I wasn't afraid at all.  I am normally scared of heights, so flying back and forth without restraints over a mountain range is not something I would volunteer for.  In this dream though, I had no fear.  I felt euphoric and amazing.

Maybe heaven will be like that.  There will be no fear.  There will be no reservations.  We will fly to heights we have never been before, breathe in the most crisp and fresh air, and marvel at the wonders of God.  I know that when I woke in the middle of that dream, I was upset.  Had I not woken up, I might not have realized how amazing it felt.  I wanted to keep flying and feeling the unencumbered abandon.  I didn't want to wake to the me that worries and fears when it is so unnecessary.

I can't wait for heaven.  Well, I guess I have to.   What I mean is this life is short.  Heaven is the length of the entire classroom when this life is but a speck on the chalkboard.  That's an exciting thought.  There are adventures to look forward to there...and here, because even though it may not be easy to live that life of abandon in a world that is tainted, it is not impossible.  It is not unachievable.  It is worth trying to do.  That doesn't mean we jump off of the building so we can fly, but it may mean we do that metaphorically in our lives.  Where do we need to take the leap, and trust that the wind will carry us?  What summons us today to be bold and take the challenge we have yet to accept?  What has God been showing us we need to do, but we have been too afraid to do?  The opportunities to go for it, don't keep coming around.  There is usually a window of time to take that step, and then the window shuts for a long time-or even the rest of our lives.  It's decision time!

Hermit Crab or Eagle

It's nice to be sheltered from the rain.  It's nice to feel warm and safe, but does that make us grow?   If we never feel the sting of rejection and heartache of failure, in what way will we learn to fly?  How will we get the strength to leave the nest, when there is no reason to?  Will we sit on our perch up high watching as others feel the wind beneath their wings?  Will we sit motionless day after day as we long for the time when we can feel that way? Are we going to wait for others to carry us to where we want to be?

Having a life where the air bursts to life in flight cannot be attained if the fear of failure is not faced.  Freedom and self assurance is a product of stepping out when you aren't sure if you have the strength needed to carry you to safety.  It means trying and failing, but trying again.  It means getting hurt, but standing back up, brushing yourself off and moving on.  It means dreaming a dream and trying to see that dream through.  You may not always succeed.  You may struggle, but what is life without the fight?  What is this life without the overcoming of obstacles and the beauty of pain turned into strength?  Sometimes I wonder why there must be so much fight in this life, but then I remember, there will surely come freedom in that soon to be flight.

We are not born to stay tucked away in a shell.  We are born to break free and leave the remnants of that shell on the beach.  We are to explore and find new homes as we grow.  If we don't, we will end up cramped and suffocated, because we are too afraid to leave.  The more time passes, the less we move, the more we die inside.  We can let our insecurities, the opinions of others or circumstances of life drive us into a hermit-like life, or we can wake up tomorrow, push ourselves out of that shell and wade into the water.  What's it gonna be?

To Be or Not to Be

What does it really mean to live?  Does it mean you breathe in and out, have a pulse and brain activity?  Is that what being alive is?  Yes, some would say.  You are alive if your body continues to keep you that way.

If it were as simple as that, we wouldn't have all of the controversy we do over euthanasia, suicide and what quality of life looks like.  We would simply see living as a biological process.  So, what does it mean to live?

I think to live is to be.  It is to be you without hang-ups and worries that drag you to a place where you aren't sure who you really are.  To live is to enjoy the people, experiences and things around you.  It's the ability to look at something you have seen time and again but still appreciate all that it means.  To live is to reflect, laugh, forgive, love and keep moving forward.  Living is not stagnant or motionless.  It is a state of perpetual motion that grows and creates.  Living is beautiful.