The Lesson of the Stink Bug

I noticed a stink bug in the bathroom a few days ago.  I was going to take it outside (I never want to kill things that are not where they belong), but forgot to after I finished getting ready for the day.  As I was brushing my teeth yesterday, I looked up to see that same stink bug (I am assuming) crawling on the window that doesn't open.  I remembered that I had forgotten to take it outside.  When I finished rinsing, I reached up clasping him in my hand and went downstairs to let him out the front door.

As I whisked my open hand into the air to release him, I watched as he flew in one direction and zigzagged a few times.  Then, he came to a sudden halt.  He was frozen in mid air.  He got caught in a spider web in the corner of the porch.  I just sighed and shut the front door.  I was let down that my effort landed him on the spider's menu for the evening.

I thought about how reckless that little stink bug had been.  I had done all of that to free him from what would have led to his death, and within seconds, he gets himself in a real death trap.  I began to wonder if humans are that different? 

Have you ever realized that you are merely moving from one type of prison to another?  The scenery may be different, but you just exchange one location of entrapment for something even worse.  People tried to get you out of that place they knew you didn't belong, but you hadn't yet learned how to keep yourself from being bound.  When they did help free you, you flew into a spider web.

The real work should come from those of us that are entrapped by something, not by those that want us to be free.  We have to take responsibility and learn what actions and thoughts caused us to get to this place and then do the work necessary to change what is faulty.  We have to learn new ways to fly that are not erratic and only lead to more heartache.  We have to take responsibility for letting those people down that tried to help us when we seemed helpless.  Their generosity was taken advantage of.

We may have only flown one crazy way all of our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't change.  A stink bug can learn to fly like a bee.  They know what their job is, don't take detours and bravely do go out into a gigantic world.  God has a very specific plan for us, too.  If bees can follow instructions, can't we learn to?

Couples Therapy

You never know what happens behind closed doors.  A couple may look blissfully happy to everyone else, but once that door closes behind them, all hell breaks loose.  I know.  I lived that.

My husband is truly a gift from God.  He was given to me when I did not deserve him.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we were meant to be.  He was God's choice for me.  Yet, our relationship was pretty miserable for years.  We were madly in love, but we did not know how to live with one another.  We did not understand one another.  It was as though we kept trying to force the other to understand a language they had never heard before.  I brought lots of baggage from a traumatic childhood and grief from the deaths of those I loved.  This infected our marriage. 

After years of various types of counseling, primarily for myself, and literally falling on my knees sobbing over and over again before God, things started to get better.  Eventually, our marriage became fun, light and full of life.  That doesn't mean we don't fight.  Two very stubborn people, are going to argue, but there is now a respect for him that I didn't have before.  I think I was scared to be married in the way that was good and healthy.  I was afraid that if I truly trusted him, he would hurt me like I had been hurt before.  I was also very selfish.

I have a friend that was surprised to hear this since it was evident we were very in love, but being soul mates doesn't mean there isn't work to be done or hard times ahead.  Had we not had that deep love God placed in us for one another, I am sure we would not be together today.  It is only by the grace of God that I am still married to this amazing man.  God's grace washes away all of our sins and changes us from within.  God's love is what brought us together and kept us together.  With it, anything is possible.

Run with Purpose

Sometimes in life, you surprise yourself.  I definitely have this time.  I started running earlier this year.  Before March, something had to be chasing me if you wanted me to run a long distance.  I started by doing a 5K for a good cause and decided this was something I enjoyed.

I just did my first 5 miler.  My goal was to finish and to do it under an hour.  I had not been able to train due to an injury, so this was a lofty goal for me.  The humidity was at 90% the day of the race.  Within the first mile I was drenched in sweat, and I think about 50 people passed me.  That's okay.  I kept running.  About two miles into it, I passed a girl that was trying really hard, but even I could pass her.  I felt like I needed to slow my pace and run with her.  I had a slight twinge to do that. It was just a passing thought.  I didn't think much of it and kept running feeling kind of good that I could pass someone.  I finished meeting my goal and didn't see when the girl crossed behind me.

At home after the race, I started to feel bad about what I had done.  I realized that I had grieved the Holy Spirit.  Why did it matter that I met MY goal?  I was given an invitation from God to uplift someone else, and myself.  What made me zoom past her instead of befriend her? 

Me.  I wanted to keep going.  I didn't want more people to pass me.  I was being selfish.  What was it that God, knowing all things, wanted me to share with this girl?  Did I just need to show her that someone was kind and cared about her?  What furthering of Christ's Kingdom did I impede? What was missed?

I will never know. That's sad.  I lost sight of something vital to living life.  This is not MY race.  My life is not my own. It's not about how fast I finish.  What's important is how I ran the race. 

I am writing this so that we can learn from my mistake.  It's always worth it to slow the pace to help someone else.  We seem to hurry through life intent on our own agendas missing golden opportunities waiting along the way.  We are so consumed with storing up treasures here on earth the supply has never been stocked in heaven.  Slow down and listen to God's prompting.  Obedience to it will change the world.

Ghosts from the Past

Some things haunt us.  I think we can all say there are things that happened, or didn't happen, in our pasts that seem to smack us in the face out of nowhere like a ghost darting in and out of our lives.  We may long to forget the events that spontaneously strike us like a whip.  Why should we be harassed by such terrible things?

If we forgot, who would we be now?  If all recollection of the event and the pain the ensued was erased, would we be as compassionate or empathetic?  Would we have learned how to traverse the bog armored with only our faith?  Who would be left hurting from the absence of our wisdom derived from those haunted visuals?

I think the remembrance of things not so pleasant is another chance to heal.  It gives another opportunity to deal with what may have never thoroughly been dealt with.  We can decide to learn from the pain that seeps out gradually over months, years or decades, or keep trying to ignore it.  Beware of the latter strategy.  The pressure from avoidance will inevitably lead to an explosion and/or living an inhibited life.

Everything that happens can be used for good even if it was breathed into life by the depths of hell.  God can make the horrific morph into a miracle.  He turns the broken and bruised into people made of steel.  Once almost lifeless, they are now tanks in the army of God.

Pet Therapy

Anyone that knows me or my husband has heard about Bailey.  He's our 4 year old hound mix.  We adopted him from the animal shelter when he was 3 months old.  When we arrived to pick him up, the lady at the desk said he was still groggy from being neutered.  The poor thing had an accident on himself while he was waiting for us.  I love the fact that Eric just picked him right up, poop and all, cradled him in his arms and carried him to the car.

That was the beginning of our love story with our floppy eared, tri-colored, nose to the ground puppy.  It's amazing how much an animal can enrich your life.  I know I'm biased, but he is definitely one of the smartest dogs I have ever known.  When he wants something, he knows how to get it (head cocked to one side as he looks up with his big brown eyes), and when he doesn't want to get into trouble for doing something he knows is wrong (getting into the trash), he works quietly when no one is around so he doesn't get caught.  He also watches television.  He will watch a half hour show about dogs never looking away. 
     
He is also one of the most sensitive dogs I have ever known.  If Eric and I are fighting, he either puts his head down and slowly goes to hide or stands in the middle, looks back and forth at us and barks.  Either way, it makes you want to stop making him upset.  He has been there through difficult times to witness what no one else has. If we are upset, he comes to console us with his wet nose pressed against our faces. 

 I love how his tail starts to slowly wag and then increases in speed as I lift my head to greet him good morning or get down on the floor to play.  When he knows he gets to go for a ride, he follows us around the house while we get ready pushing us with his nose so we'll hurry up.  Once he gets in the car, he stands up with one paw flapping in the wind so he can get his head out to breathe in all of the smells.  His black ears flip flop as we ride along and air pushes his mouth up and down so it looks like he's talking.  He usually has quite a few fans as we ride through town. 

His favorite weekend visit is to PetSmart.  As soon as I turn to go into the shopping center, he starts pacing back and forth in the back seat.  Every dog he meets is a friend.  His nose stays glued to floor to analyze who and what has been in the store.  The only thing he would be fine without is the cats that are up for adoption.  He seems to sense that they don't like him, so he keeps his distance.  He also visits his "grandparents" and other family members (human and canine) quite often.  When we say their names, he gets excited to go see them.  He is a happy dog that loves his family.


I can't imagine the last four years without him.  There have been so many times little things he did cheered me up.  When I didn't want to smile, I couldn't help it when I looked at him.  I am thankful for my Bailey today.  I hope for many more years with him, but if today were our last day with him, I would have peace.  I know God's purpose for his life was to be with us.

Friends Come and Go

I have never really handled changes in relationships very well.  I tend not to get too close so that I won't get hurt should the relationship end or change for some reason.  In my experience, those changes can be extremely painful and difficult to manage.

I realize though, that changes must come for growth to happen.  Those relationships need room to breathe and mature into what God wants them to be.  What may seem to be the end could just be the beginning of a new facet and deeper level of friendship.  A whole new way of seeing someone may emerge and a sense of appreciation for them that was never there before.

I think it is also difficult for me since I grow very attached to people once I let myself start to bond.  I am the type that is very loyal and try to meet the needs of those I care about.  When the relationship faces change, I question what my role will be in their lives.  Will I lose the sense of safety with this person once the relationship changes?  Will I not be able to be there for them and will they not be there for me?  Will I be replaced?

It seems scary to think you could be replaced after putting so much work into a relationship.  I don't think it's a replacement, though.  How can one person completely replace another?  No, we add people to our lives when others fade out. 

Sometimes, we are meant to be in a person's life for a short time.  It can be a time where a deep bond is formed making it difficult when circumstances change. The ease of the friendship is no longer there.  It may not be convenient anymore.  We don't need to think of it as losing a friend, but be grateful that we had that friendship at that particular time in our lives.

Some friends are lifelong.  They are constant.  They are there though others may drift in and out.  Thank God for these people that help make up the backbone of our sanity.  They tell us like it is and never falter in their love for us.  They are easy to talk to, because they just get us. These people are true blessings from above that go through our lives with us.

I am still learning how to transition with people.  I am grateful that God has taken me through situations that challenge my faulty thinking and anxiety. 

It's life.  It's a process.

Wildflowers in the Kingdom

As I was driving today, I was struck by a beautiful array of wildflowers painting the ditch.  There was one particular stretch that overflowed with the most lively bunch of flowers of just about every color.

It made me think about the name we give these scenic wonders...wildflowers.  I guess they are wild.  They are growing in a place where they were not planted or tended by man.  They often grow in harsh conditions without supervision or control.  They sprout up boldly and are taken care of by the father above to bless us during a mundane drive.

How often do we try to tame wildflowers?  How often do we cut them down, trim them or try to move them and end up killing them?  They may be someone we love.  The wildflower could be a part of us that we keep from emerging from an unlikely place.  A true wildflower seems dangerous to us, but magnificent to God.  He has it under control.  He doesn't want us living lives of fear where we never express who we are.  No, he wants us to live a life abandoned.  He will show the world that it's not crazy to let something grow where "it's not supposed to".  We aren't supposed to try to be just like everyone else.  If we were, what would be the point of making more than one human? 

So, when people say you're crazy for whatever it is that you just know in your heart is what God wants and is pleasing to him, just keep focused and press through that hard ground.  Soon, you'll be the wildflower that makes them smile.