I'm what many would categorize as a helicopter mom most days. I watch my kids like a hawk when we're in stores, the playground or large crowds. I anticipate a broken bone and try to prevent it before we're in the ER. I try to protect and guide my kids, but I also try to give them freedom and push them to do things themselves when I feel they are ready. It's just me, and I don't expect others to necessarily agree or adhere to my style of parenting. I don't want others to expect me to parent the way they do, either. Yet, it seems my style of parenting can be judged quite harshly these days.
I recently read an article where a mom pretty much bashed the way I parent. She felt that she was being judged for being the mom sitting on the picnic bench across the playground while her 3 year old fumbles on large monkey bars. This mom felt that a mom like me who was worried about her little one falling and breaking a leg was being paranoid and judgmental by looking around to see where she was. This mother further went on to explain how she lets her children explore their worlds on their own with her at a safe distance monitoring. She says these are great opportunities for her to have time with other moms.
Okay. I get it. You need to let your kid figure things out. I totally agree with that. Kids have to try things for themselves if their ever going to gain independence and confidence, but I think this lady's guilt was what motivated her vehement response to us helicopter parents.
I've been in these situations, and it stinks. I'm trying to help my two year old manage a high step when her kid is dangling on the monkey bars that are way too high for him about to fall and break something. I look to find her as her son is slipping with a look of terror on his face and desperately asking me for help . This isn't my kid, but is mom looking? Usually not. She's deep in conversation or her head is buried in her cell phone.
Do I get upset? Yep! I'm trying to make sure my kids are safe, not only from getting hurt, but from some creepster coming up and trying something, and she plops the responsibility of helping her kid on me. She'll say it was never my responsibility, but really? I'm just going to watch your little boy, who has no business trying to climb monkey bars made for a 10 year old, get hurt?
I've been in another such situation at a fast food restaurant in a play place area. Mom and Dad release their children into the multi-colored indoor playground separate from the dining area while they sit outside of the glass windows and occasionally glance over while they eat and have a conversation . My husband and I have been in one of these play places with our two children and at least 10 other kids. We were the ONLY adults in there! There was a boy bullying all of the little ones that needed to be corrected and another with a water bottle which expelled water from one of those tall slides and then he threw it a few inches from my 1 year old's head. Did the parents of these kids know what was going on? Nope.
In yet another instance, my barely 3 year old was being bullied by other girls, and the moms had absolutely no idea that their 4 and 5 year old girls were doing this. They were lost in conversation and still didn't seem to care what was going on after I went over as my daughter was sobbing. These girls wouldn't talk to her or let her go down the slide. I corrected them, because of course, I was burning up inside about it. Not only were they acting very cruelly to my very sensitive child, their mothers were completely oblivious the entire time.
I totally understand the exhaustion of parenting. I totally understand the need for breaks and adult time, but I do not appreciate being a babysitter for your kid without being asked! Go get a babysitter and go out! Don't pawn your kid off on the nearest adult. If you don't want to hover around your kids, fine. At least pay attention to them especially if they are little or little ones are around them.
Our kids need us to help them learn how to start to navigate those big monkey bars, and then they'll be able to go across after we've helped them a few times. They need us to correct them when they're doing something unkind, and they need us to help them have the confidence to speak up when needed. I think we can be involved as parents without taking the responsibility away from them to try new things. Shaping does not stop at the playground! We need to find a balance between anxious parenting and hands off parenting and not judge one another!
I recently read an article where a mom pretty much bashed the way I parent. She felt that she was being judged for being the mom sitting on the picnic bench across the playground while her 3 year old fumbles on large monkey bars. This mom felt that a mom like me who was worried about her little one falling and breaking a leg was being paranoid and judgmental by looking around to see where she was. This mother further went on to explain how she lets her children explore their worlds on their own with her at a safe distance monitoring. She says these are great opportunities for her to have time with other moms.Okay. I get it. You need to let your kid figure things out. I totally agree with that. Kids have to try things for themselves if their ever going to gain independence and confidence, but I think this lady's guilt was what motivated her vehement response to us helicopter parents.
I've been in these situations, and it stinks. I'm trying to help my two year old manage a high step when her kid is dangling on the monkey bars that are way too high for him about to fall and break something. I look to find her as her son is slipping with a look of terror on his face and desperately asking me for help . This isn't my kid, but is mom looking? Usually not. She's deep in conversation or her head is buried in her cell phone.
Do I get upset? Yep! I'm trying to make sure my kids are safe, not only from getting hurt, but from some creepster coming up and trying something, and she plops the responsibility of helping her kid on me. She'll say it was never my responsibility, but really? I'm just going to watch your little boy, who has no business trying to climb monkey bars made for a 10 year old, get hurt?
I've been in another such situation at a fast food restaurant in a play place area. Mom and Dad release their children into the multi-colored indoor playground separate from the dining area while they sit outside of the glass windows and occasionally glance over while they eat and have a conversation . My husband and I have been in one of these play places with our two children and at least 10 other kids. We were the ONLY adults in there! There was a boy bullying all of the little ones that needed to be corrected and another with a water bottle which expelled water from one of those tall slides and then he threw it a few inches from my 1 year old's head. Did the parents of these kids know what was going on? Nope.
In yet another instance, my barely 3 year old was being bullied by other girls, and the moms had absolutely no idea that their 4 and 5 year old girls were doing this. They were lost in conversation and still didn't seem to care what was going on after I went over as my daughter was sobbing. These girls wouldn't talk to her or let her go down the slide. I corrected them, because of course, I was burning up inside about it. Not only were they acting very cruelly to my very sensitive child, their mothers were completely oblivious the entire time.
I totally understand the exhaustion of parenting. I totally understand the need for breaks and adult time, but I do not appreciate being a babysitter for your kid without being asked! Go get a babysitter and go out! Don't pawn your kid off on the nearest adult. If you don't want to hover around your kids, fine. At least pay attention to them especially if they are little or little ones are around them.
Our kids need us to help them learn how to start to navigate those big monkey bars, and then they'll be able to go across after we've helped them a few times. They need us to correct them when they're doing something unkind, and they need us to help them have the confidence to speak up when needed. I think we can be involved as parents without taking the responsibility away from them to try new things. Shaping does not stop at the playground! We need to find a balance between anxious parenting and hands off parenting and not judge one another!
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