I love happy endings, and I'm hoping this is going to be one.
The past few weeks I've been going to get my blood drawn weekly in order for the doctor to see that my hormone levels get back to 0. I would get to the doctor's office as soon as possible, with my 1 year old in tow.
If I was the first one there, I could be the first one out.
Last week, I expected the level to be 0 as it had only been 7 the week before. It was bittersweet to think that there was no more of the hormone in my system that would sustain a pregnancy. I desperately wanted the whole ordeal to be over with. On the other hand, it was a final confirmation that what once was, was no longer.
But, my level wasn't 0.
It was 25? What?
Could I be...? Does this mean...?
I wasn't given any answers that day-only told to come back a few days later to check the level again.
I was so nervous. All of the terrible questions surfaced.
What if I'm pregnant, find out early, and then lose the baby? Would it have been better to have never known?
What if...I'm pregnant?
As I made the phone call a few days later to see what was happening, my heart pounded in my chest, and I felt as if I'd never catch my breath.
I waited a moment while the lab tech retrieved my information while the heavy silence weighed on me like a boulder.
She very nonchalantly told me my level was 221. I asked if I was pregnant. She wouldn't say whether I was or not, but that I needed to come back to check levels in a few days.
I finally called the nurse a little later to ask about another appointment I was going to have that week.
Butterflies filled my stomach when she said, "You're definitely pregnant."
Confirmation!
Wow. I'm already pregnant again?
God, you are quick!
But then, my fears quickly re-emerged.
When I said to Eric, "What if people judge us, because we got pregnant so quickly?", he simply responded, "So."
And, I love that response.
People have their opinions. We live in a country where you have every right to them.
But don't let ignorance or fear drive your opinion. It has been too much of a factor in the way I viewed my pregnancies, my life...and I'm done with it.
I embrace the Love that created this child-the God from whom all most precious things come.
We are so happy to have another little one to love, whether we enjoy most of their life this side of heaven or not. God chose us to be parents again. What an honor!
I am enjoying every day I have with this little pumpkin seed. :)
We celebrate another life. We celebrate God's intricate creation.
And those are the reasons we are telling the world at only a month pregnant.
Our baby is alive and growing and thriving.
I want the world to know that.
I thank God for this miracle, and I want others to know so they can thank God, too.
Our new baby is on his/her way!
Praise the Lord. Praise his Holy Name!
The past few weeks I've been going to get my blood drawn weekly in order for the doctor to see that my hormone levels get back to 0. I would get to the doctor's office as soon as possible, with my 1 year old in tow.
If I was the first one there, I could be the first one out.
Last week, I expected the level to be 0 as it had only been 7 the week before. It was bittersweet to think that there was no more of the hormone in my system that would sustain a pregnancy. I desperately wanted the whole ordeal to be over with. On the other hand, it was a final confirmation that what once was, was no longer.
But, my level wasn't 0.
It was 25? What?
Could I be...? Does this mean...?
I wasn't given any answers that day-only told to come back a few days later to check the level again.
I was so nervous. All of the terrible questions surfaced.
What if I'm pregnant, find out early, and then lose the baby? Would it have been better to have never known?
What if...I'm pregnant?
As I made the phone call a few days later to see what was happening, my heart pounded in my chest, and I felt as if I'd never catch my breath.
I waited a moment while the lab tech retrieved my information while the heavy silence weighed on me like a boulder.
She very nonchalantly told me my level was 221. I asked if I was pregnant. She wouldn't say whether I was or not, but that I needed to come back to check levels in a few days.
I finally called the nurse a little later to ask about another appointment I was going to have that week.
Butterflies filled my stomach when she said, "You're definitely pregnant."
Confirmation!
Wow. I'm already pregnant again?
God, you are quick!
But then, my fears quickly re-emerged.
When I said to Eric, "What if people judge us, because we got pregnant so quickly?", he simply responded, "So."
And, I love that response.
People have their opinions. We live in a country where you have every right to them.
But don't let ignorance or fear drive your opinion. It has been too much of a factor in the way I viewed my pregnancies, my life...and I'm done with it.
I embrace the Love that created this child-the God from whom all most precious things come.
We are so happy to have another little one to love, whether we enjoy most of their life this side of heaven or not. God chose us to be parents again. What an honor!
I am enjoying every day I have with this little pumpkin seed. :)
We celebrate another life. We celebrate God's intricate creation.
And those are the reasons we are telling the world at only a month pregnant.Our baby is alive and growing and thriving.
I want the world to know that.
I thank God for this miracle, and I want others to know so they can thank God, too.
Our new baby is on his/her way!
Praise the Lord. Praise his Holy Name!
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