The Gift of a Child to an Imperfect Mother

I write a lot about my little girl these days...probably because she teaches me so much.  She is teaching me to enjoy life and to savor every part of my day with her.  I had a moment of intense gratitude today.  As she splashed and played in the tub, looking up at me every few minutes so I could see her laugh,  my heart burned with warmth.  I thought back to when we found out we were pregnant, going through the pregnancy, labor, bringing her home, staying up with her at night as a newborn and seeing this ever changing being before my eyes.  I teared up thinking of how fast it has all gone by.  My little baby is getting bigger.  She brings so much light to my life.

I can't help but smile when she waves at the Christmas tree every time we walk into the living room or when she tries to put her finger in my mouth so I'll pretend to eat it.  Yes, there are times when I just don't know what she wants, when my nerves are fried and I just want her to go to sleep so I can have some quiet.  Yet, all of that frustration seems to disappear instantly when I watch her sleep, see her play and hear her talk to her toys.  I am full of gratitude tonight.

I wonder sometimes how God could entrust me with the task of mothering her.  I worry that I'll "mess her up".  I try to remember that God is bigger than me and my fallacies.  He knows what he's doing, and that includes taking care of this beautiful baby girl.  He will parent alongside me.  I cannot control a lot of things, but I can pray for her and with her.  I can teach her to look to her heavenly father.  I can show her that although I have weaknesses, I can admit them and strive to let God be greater through them.

Yes.  I am feeling very blessed.  What an amazing gift.  To love a child.