They say the best things in life are worth the wait. They are worth the struggle, tears and sleepless nights when our humanity kicks into high gear and our faith is tested. What is truly of value costs our right to ourselves and our pride.
I am a grateful woman. The Creator of the universe, time and every tiny living thing that exists has seen fit to direct my path in a direction I never thought it would go and sometimes didn't want it to go. Yet, here I sit, amazed at how he knits my life together. So, I will get to the point. We are pregnant! Right now, a little miracle is happening. It is amazing, surreal and the timing of God.
I have been asked in various ways since our miscarriage 2 1/2 years ago when we were going to try to have a baby. I must say that my reaction depended on the day...didn't care, irritated, ambivalent, sad, or just thought it wasn't anyone's business. That question was always weird to me. Eric and I weren't the ones in charge of the whole thing...that's God's department. I wondered why people were asking me such a very private and emotional question that I couldn't answer for them and didn't want to give the details of when put on the spot, usually in a public place. Rarely was I asked how I was feeling about the topic or how they could pray for us. I felt like a side show exhibit at times. I must also say that there were those that prayed for us and were very patient when I was not. It must have seemed odd to others that we were very capable of getting pregnant, but we purposely tried NOT to get pregnant.
God's timing is absolutely perfect. I am convinced. After we lost the baby, I spiraled down and kept on going. That loss was worse than any other, and there was no way that it would have been healthy to bring a new baby into that situation. It took at least a year to recover, and then another to try to repair and build up our marriage. I have prayed since I was a little girl that my kids would have a loving home where they felt safe and that they knew their parents were deeply in love with one another. I thank God for Eric who was wise enough to see when I could not. It takes time to learn how to walk again when you've been paralyzed for awhile. It takes time to build a home. I am so thankful that God answered my prayers for the next baby to come when he saw fit.
With that said, when we did find out we were pregnant, I freaked out some. Yes, after waiting almost three years, I thought God was a little off on the dates. How silly is that! I think I was in shock. The nerves kicked in right away, too. Concern for how things were going to work out, if the baby was healthy and old fears came back with a vengeance. Each day, I am learning to rely on God's strength when I really don't know what his plans are. Each day is a blessing with this child. Please pray with us! It is such an amazing gift that God would let us be a part of this person's life! They are truly his. As Hannah said, "I asked the Lord to give me this child, and he has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life." I am raising this baby up to him...giving back in praise what has been so graciously given.
I am a grateful woman. The Creator of the universe, time and every tiny living thing that exists has seen fit to direct my path in a direction I never thought it would go and sometimes didn't want it to go. Yet, here I sit, amazed at how he knits my life together. So, I will get to the point. We are pregnant! Right now, a little miracle is happening. It is amazing, surreal and the timing of God.
God's timing is absolutely perfect. I am convinced. After we lost the baby, I spiraled down and kept on going. That loss was worse than any other, and there was no way that it would have been healthy to bring a new baby into that situation. It took at least a year to recover, and then another to try to repair and build up our marriage. I have prayed since I was a little girl that my kids would have a loving home where they felt safe and that they knew their parents were deeply in love with one another. I thank God for Eric who was wise enough to see when I could not. It takes time to learn how to walk again when you've been paralyzed for awhile. It takes time to build a home. I am so thankful that God answered my prayers for the next baby to come when he saw fit.
With that said, when we did find out we were pregnant, I freaked out some. Yes, after waiting almost three years, I thought God was a little off on the dates. How silly is that! I think I was in shock. The nerves kicked in right away, too. Concern for how things were going to work out, if the baby was healthy and old fears came back with a vengeance. Each day, I am learning to rely on God's strength when I really don't know what his plans are. Each day is a blessing with this child. Please pray with us! It is such an amazing gift that God would let us be a part of this person's life! They are truly his. As Hannah said, "I asked the Lord to give me this child, and he has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life." I am raising this baby up to him...giving back in praise what has been so graciously given.
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