For Better or for Worse

I really like weddings.  My definition of a "good wedding" is one where the love of the two people getting married seems to shoot bright beams of light out of them.  I find myself smiling from ear to ear when I see two people getting married that are truly meant to be.  They love each other completely.  When they say their vows, you know they mean them.  They mean that they are committed wholly to one another no matter what may happen.  They will put the other above all else.

Now, the challenges of fulfilling those vows can seem insurmountable.  Sometimes, it feels like "worse" is never going to be over.  Sometimes, you or your spouse, start to slip, or you may begin to truly realize what it means to keep those lovely words.  What does it mean to commit your life to someone else?  It certainly isn't realized by the time you get back from the honeymoon.

If you think about vows, and really dig into the meaning of them, they are kind of scary.  I realized after getting married how hard it can be to keep the vows I spoke with lovestruck candor when I didn't feel like there was any possible way the problem would be resolved.  How was I going to stick it out when we didn't seem to know how to communicate, when we had such different backgrounds, when circumstances of life sat on our marriage one ton of bricks after another?

I realized that no matter what, this was a commitment.  I decided long ago, even before that day when everything was supposed to be perfect and beautiful, that I would do whatever it takes to have a good marriage.  I would sacrifice what needed to be done away with, and I would swallow my pride.  How that pans out can be pretty ugly, but I certainly give it a whirl.  I had decided that I would meet him where he is instead of longing for him to do all of the work to meet me.  I realized that I had to stop whining about what I wanted him to do, and do something myself.  I needed to take the steps to have a good marriage.  It's always easier to meet in the middle once somebody takes the first step.

Without a doubt, marriage has changed me for the better, but it never would have been that way had I married the wrong guy.  Marriage is too hard to romanticize.  It should be placed at the very top of the relationship importance scale, behind a relationship with Christ.  Should it fall, you should fight to get it back to it's rightful place.  It's worth the risk of losing your pride or even losing other people.

Just Go for It!

I had a dream recently that I was flying.  I was flying in a modified plane (no top or sides) over orange mountaintops so close it seemed I could have bent over and skimmed the top of them with my fingers.  I was the ultimate of happy in this dream.  I wasn't afraid at all.  I am normally scared of heights, so flying back and forth without restraints over a mountain range is not something I would volunteer for.  In this dream though, I had no fear.  I felt euphoric and amazing.

Maybe heaven will be like that.  There will be no fear.  There will be no reservations.  We will fly to heights we have never been before, breathe in the most crisp and fresh air, and marvel at the wonders of God.  I know that when I woke in the middle of that dream, I was upset.  Had I not woken up, I might not have realized how amazing it felt.  I wanted to keep flying and feeling the unencumbered abandon.  I didn't want to wake to the me that worries and fears when it is so unnecessary.

I can't wait for heaven.  Well, I guess I have to.   What I mean is this life is short.  Heaven is the length of the entire classroom when this life is but a speck on the chalkboard.  That's an exciting thought.  There are adventures to look forward to there...and here, because even though it may not be easy to live that life of abandon in a world that is tainted, it is not impossible.  It is not unachievable.  It is worth trying to do.  That doesn't mean we jump off of the building so we can fly, but it may mean we do that metaphorically in our lives.  Where do we need to take the leap, and trust that the wind will carry us?  What summons us today to be bold and take the challenge we have yet to accept?  What has God been showing us we need to do, but we have been too afraid to do?  The opportunities to go for it, don't keep coming around.  There is usually a window of time to take that step, and then the window shuts for a long time-or even the rest of our lives.  It's decision time!

Hermit Crab or Eagle

It's nice to be sheltered from the rain.  It's nice to feel warm and safe, but does that make us grow?   If we never feel the sting of rejection and heartache of failure, in what way will we learn to fly?  How will we get the strength to leave the nest, when there is no reason to?  Will we sit on our perch up high watching as others feel the wind beneath their wings?  Will we sit motionless day after day as we long for the time when we can feel that way? Are we going to wait for others to carry us to where we want to be?

Having a life where the air bursts to life in flight cannot be attained if the fear of failure is not faced.  Freedom and self assurance is a product of stepping out when you aren't sure if you have the strength needed to carry you to safety.  It means trying and failing, but trying again.  It means getting hurt, but standing back up, brushing yourself off and moving on.  It means dreaming a dream and trying to see that dream through.  You may not always succeed.  You may struggle, but what is life without the fight?  What is this life without the overcoming of obstacles and the beauty of pain turned into strength?  Sometimes I wonder why there must be so much fight in this life, but then I remember, there will surely come freedom in that soon to be flight.

We are not born to stay tucked away in a shell.  We are born to break free and leave the remnants of that shell on the beach.  We are to explore and find new homes as we grow.  If we don't, we will end up cramped and suffocated, because we are too afraid to leave.  The more time passes, the less we move, the more we die inside.  We can let our insecurities, the opinions of others or circumstances of life drive us into a hermit-like life, or we can wake up tomorrow, push ourselves out of that shell and wade into the water.  What's it gonna be?

To Be or Not to Be

What does it really mean to live?  Does it mean you breathe in and out, have a pulse and brain activity?  Is that what being alive is?  Yes, some would say.  You are alive if your body continues to keep you that way.

If it were as simple as that, we wouldn't have all of the controversy we do over euthanasia, suicide and what quality of life looks like.  We would simply see living as a biological process.  So, what does it mean to live?

I think to live is to be.  It is to be you without hang-ups and worries that drag you to a place where you aren't sure who you really are.  To live is to enjoy the people, experiences and things around you.  It's the ability to look at something you have seen time and again but still appreciate all that it means.  To live is to reflect, laugh, forgive, love and keep moving forward.  Living is not stagnant or motionless.  It is a state of perpetual motion that grows and creates.  Living is beautiful.

Resolutions

It's January.  The month designated to make a fresh start, turn over a new leaf, get skinny, and do those things that we have either been too scared to do or too lazy.  It is a societal expectation that we will join that gym, interview for that job, or change that behavior.

I was thinking about this recently and came to a conclusion: a true resolution may come at any time, in various ways and without your permission.  It isn't good intentions and trying for a few weeks, but then giving up.  A resolution takes guts.  It takes commitment.  A real resolution changes your life.  It rocks your world, because there is no going back.

I think it takes a lot of courage to move forward with resolve when what you are resolving to do is new, scary and unknown in every way.  God plops these resolutions in our laps and lets us decide if we are going to take the challenge.  He shows us it's time to face it and move forward in life.  He will be there every step of the way...but we have to say it's go time.

I am thankful for that kind of God and Father-one that sticks around to be the nudge that keeps me from backtracking.  A God that realizes the most perfect timing to lay the gauntlet down.  Isn't every good movie one where an immense challenge is posed to the main character?  It is one where the odds are against him, but in the end, he rises to the challenge and his life is never the same.  Why just watch these great stories?  Why not live one?