2010 was a year that I asked this question a lot. I asked a dozen times a day some days. Why began specific questions primarily about why God decided our child was better off with him than with us right now.
What I have learned from that year and each day that passes, is that I have to be okay with not really knowing why. The more I accept the fact that there are reasons I could never fathom, reasons that are heaven-made and not only a product of the sin of this world...the more my soul can rest and hope. I could either look at it as God taking our child away from us, or God protecting her from what I will never know this side of heaven. I think of the verse that talks about how we can see dimly down here, but in heaven it will all be crystal clear. I believe that day will be here sooner than I can imagine.
I think about all of the prayers I pray, and how naive I can be about them. I know they are good things to pray, but don't necessarily have the foresight or wisdom to recognize how God will answer. For example, I pray that he would be number one in my life, that I would always follow the course he has set out for me, that he would show me his plan, that he would teach me to love and have faith, that I would be genuine...I believe his decision that it was the baby's time to be with him was a partial answer to prayers like those. Although his perfect plan was never that death, pain and sin be part of our equation, he always seems to turn lemons into lemonade.
Whatever the situations we face that just blow our minds, I think of how God is not surprised. I think of how we forget that, and busy ourselves with the work of figuring things out. But how futile is that? If you don't have all of the puzzle pieces, you will never finish the puzzle and see what the big picture truly is. I think God gives us more of those pieces along the way to help us, but we have to ask him through our faith. We have to remember that our hearts are not necessarily where God wants them to be. He wants our hearts to be like his and the more we pray for that, the more he will bend, mold and mend us to be as He is. And that is probably going to hurt sometimes. Our natural tendency will be to resist, but when we bear the pain with him, the result is something beautiful we see in ourselves that wasn't there before.
I say all of this to get to answer the queston of "Why?" I think the answer is..."You'll see. Trust me."
What I have learned from that year and each day that passes, is that I have to be okay with not really knowing why. The more I accept the fact that there are reasons I could never fathom, reasons that are heaven-made and not only a product of the sin of this world...the more my soul can rest and hope. I could either look at it as God taking our child away from us, or God protecting her from what I will never know this side of heaven. I think of the verse that talks about how we can see dimly down here, but in heaven it will all be crystal clear. I believe that day will be here sooner than I can imagine.
I think about all of the prayers I pray, and how naive I can be about them. I know they are good things to pray, but don't necessarily have the foresight or wisdom to recognize how God will answer. For example, I pray that he would be number one in my life, that I would always follow the course he has set out for me, that he would show me his plan, that he would teach me to love and have faith, that I would be genuine...I believe his decision that it was the baby's time to be with him was a partial answer to prayers like those. Although his perfect plan was never that death, pain and sin be part of our equation, he always seems to turn lemons into lemonade.
Whatever the situations we face that just blow our minds, I think of how God is not surprised. I think of how we forget that, and busy ourselves with the work of figuring things out. But how futile is that? If you don't have all of the puzzle pieces, you will never finish the puzzle and see what the big picture truly is. I think God gives us more of those pieces along the way to help us, but we have to ask him through our faith. We have to remember that our hearts are not necessarily where God wants them to be. He wants our hearts to be like his and the more we pray for that, the more he will bend, mold and mend us to be as He is. And that is probably going to hurt sometimes. Our natural tendency will be to resist, but when we bear the pain with him, the result is something beautiful we see in ourselves that wasn't there before.
I say all of this to get to answer the queston of "Why?" I think the answer is..."You'll see. Trust me."
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